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Commentary

What Mayor Bloomberg should ban next

Marketplace Contributor Jun 5, 2012
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Commentary

What Mayor Bloomberg should ban next

Marketplace Contributor Jun 5, 2012
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OK, Nanny Bloomberg, what about banning flip-flops on the subway? That’ll go a long way to reducing exposure toall those unidentified liquids snaking back and forth on the No. 2 train.

Or how about the four-cheese pizza — why does anyone need more than two? Like The National Institutes of Health says: Two cheeses, no diseases!

And e-mailing after midnight, the mayor should ban that too. All those late-hour communiqués almost always contain inadvisable emotional content. Not good for your mental health.

Why doesn’t the mayor ban those mixology classes? One study showed that nine out of 10 bartending school grads go right on to calling the numbers on those work-at-home flyers.

I’d ban rainbow sprinkles. It’s a non-food that is designed to make you eat other bad foods. Researchers says they increase consumption of Mr. Softee by up to 47 percent.

Speaking of overeating, what about Spanx? The mayor should ban all control-top underwear. They can lull you into thinking you’re thinner than you are, and tempt you to order four-cheese pizza.

It’s definitely time to put an end to those noxious taxi cab air fresheners. I read that one evergreen freshener provides four times the FDA’s recommended daily amount of artificial pine.

And then there’s brunch, Bloomberg should save us from that too. Bottomless mimosas are killing our productivity. Do you know there is no word in the Chinese language for brunch?

Uh, yeah, there is.

Well, no one ever uses it because they’re too busy outpacing our economy.

You know what’s a real scourge on our city? ATMs with $3 fees. The data on this show these fees are the number one cause of verbal abuse directed at shop owners.

And finally, we need to stop adding “-pocalypse” and “-mageddon to everything, as in “snowpacalypse” or “tax-mageddon.” New Yorkers will be under-prepared for the actual doomsday scenario predicted for the day before Bloomberg’s term expires.

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