This year, as part of our election coverage, Marketplace is asking comedians what they think about the issues. We’ll be doing short bits by both underground and mainstream comics. Yes, the issues in this election are important and serious, but who says we can’t have a little fun?
Hi, I’m Andy Kindler. The opinions you are about to hear are mine. I’m not channeling anyone… that I’m aware of. I’m not a medium. Also, I’m no newsman. I’m a comedian. I’m biased and have an agenda.
Election Day is almost here and still I’m undecided. Should I vote for Obama by mail or in person? Should I despise Romney or just dislike him intensely? Is it better to shun my Republican friends or simply vilify them? If a tree falls in the forest, would Dick Cheney shoot it? Also, Is Dick Cheney still a current reference? What is the sound of one hand suppressing a vote?
This race is coming down to the wire, and I don’t understand why. The only votes Romney should get are from the “severely” rich. If you’re a member of this group I get it. You want more tax breaks. Maybe you need a fifth yacht, in case your other four yachts are in the shop.
But why would anybody else vote for Romney? Is America looking for someone who has no core convictions? Are they impressed by a man who can change his positions without changing his facial expression? Romney has refused to release several years of his tax returns. I guess he’s going after the “people who also have something to hide” vote. There are some who may actually be attracted by his flip-flopping. They think, “Well, I don’t agree with him now, but maybe he’ll change his mind.”
I still predict that Obama will win. I remain confident and I’ve never been wrong, except for Carter in ’80, Mondale in ’84, Dukakis in ’88, and several other elections. But keep this in mind: If you don’t vote for Obama, I will personally be disappointed in you. And I’m not crazy about you now. So don’t push it.
I’m Andy Kindler and I approve this message. I also wrote it so that’s not really surprising. I also thought my delivery was excellent.
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