In China, marriage numbers have fallen, but those who choose to marry have their reasons
In China, marriage numbers have fallen, but those who choose to marry have their reasons
Wuhan’s emerald-colored East Lake in central China used to be one of Chinese leader Mao Zedong’s favorite vacation spots.
Today, though, it is a popular wedding location.
Wang Ai and Anzz Chen, both 29, have booked one of the venues along the East Lake for their ceremony in January. They are meeting wedding planners for the first time.
The wedding planners start playing a slideshow of their past work — including a Harry Potter-themed wedding. They said they could even build a coffee or Chinese tea stand for wedding guests in the beautiful adjoining garden.
In the middle of their pitch, bride-to-be Wang cuts in: “How much would all that cost?”
For that type of decoration alone, the wedding planners’ fee is around 33,000 to 35,000 yuan or $4,500 to $4,800 — which is equivalent to about four months of an average salary in Wuhan city.
“The price I am quoting is not really that high,” said one of the wedding planners, who likes to be referred to as Sister Youcai. “And every year the cost increases.”
Groom-to-be Chen piped up: “You sure about that? The price of houses is dropping. So, why are you putting up your prices? Especially since not that many people are getting married nowadays.”
Last year, there were 6.8 million marriages in China. That is the lowest number since records began in 1986. Many young people say they are deterred by the high cost of weddings, child-rearing, and gender inequality in a marriage. Still, that is six million marriages a year, about three times higher than in the U.S.
Over a coffee, the couple said they are getting married because they feel lucky to have found each other.
“It is fate. I met her at the right time and she was the right person,” Chen said.
Both he and Wang attended the same high school, live a five-minute drive apart, but only got together during the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020.
Their fairytale began on a dating app.
“I was swiping, swiping, swiping through pictures and wasn’t into any of them until I landed on [Chen’s] photo. He seemed alright. So, we chatted online. Once we met, we decided to date exclusively,” Wang said.
She likes that Chen is ambitious. And he likes that she is understanding about his long work hours as an accountant.
“[Wang] can put herself in my shoes and see things from my perspective which, I think, is pretty rare for someone so young. I feel I can have a future with her,” Chen said. “Plus, she respects my parents. Every time she goes out of town for work, she comes back with little souvenir for them.”
Romance aside, young couples must think of the practicalities.
Men seeking a bride usually bring a property to the table. Chen secured his condo with the help of his parents.
“My family bought the property after we started dating. The condo is close to her parents too,” he said. “And so, our parents can help us with childcare when we have kids, and we can look after our parents if they get sick.”
That is the social norm.
Back when China’s economy was planned, from 1949 until the 1990s, urban residents were assigned jobs. Their state employer — or ‘danwei’ — took care of them from cradle to grave.
“The ‘danwei’ provided a lot of benefits for their employees such as housing, care for the elderly, care for young people and education for children,” said Miao Jia, assistant sociology professor with NYU’s Shanghai campus.
Nowadays, the families themselves are responsible for all that.
However, some things have not changed — such as traditional beliefs about ensuring the survival of your family name and influence.
“Our recent research showed that the majority of Chinese people still agree that individuals have [an] obligation to [bring] glory [to the whole family] and they have [an] obligation to continue the family bloodline,” Miao said.
That obligation makes bride-to-be Wang anxious. The wedding ceremony is not done yet and already both sets of parents are pressuring them to have kids.
“I am almost 30 and I don’t want to leave it too late. I thought about getting pregnant next year, but then my job in finance is also important,” Wang said. “Maybe I should put off having a baby for a couple of years. In Wuhan, once a woman takes maternity leave, it is really hard to go back to work in a job that is at the same level.
Many women report similar penalty for being a mother despite China’s government pushing couples like Wang and Chen to have three children.
Back in the negotiations with the wedding planners, a final offer is on the table — 16,888 yuan ($2,300) with no fresh flowers for decorations.
“Look, it’s a good price,” wedding planner Sister Youcai said. “Sure, you can shop around for a cheaper quote but, you know what matters more than the money? Time. Let us handle the wedding plans and with the time you save you could earn double what you pay us.”
Wang nods her head. “OK you’ve successfully brainwashed me a bit.”
They walk out into the adjoining garden, where one of two weddings is in progress.
“Right, I’ll think about it, and I’ll get back to you,” Wang said to the wedding planners.
But she tells me she is still going to shop around.
Additional research by Charles Zhang
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