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Inflation, R.I.P.
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When it died last month at the hands of a sluggish economy and a Federal Reserve intent on maintaining interest rates at zero, inflation was thought to be several thousand years old -- although a specific age has not been released by the family.
The immediate cause of death was this morning's report on the consumer price index: 0.0 percent.
Paul Volcker, the former chairman of the Fed who had a troubled relationship with inflation while it was alive, had this to say about its passing: "There was a perception that inflation and growing inflation was a big problem, and I couldn't have gotten by with the policies we followed unless there was a feeling in the country that somebody ought to do something."
Volcker famously broke inflation's back in the early 1980s, an injury from which it never recovered.
Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman had harsh words for the departed: "It's very hard to get inflation in a depressed economy."
Inflation is survived by cousins, most of whom live overseas. Family in Zimbabwe, Venezuela, Argentina and Iran tell us they are not doing interviews.
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Stay tuned for the sequel.
Coming to a post-recessionary global economy near you.
"The Return of the Inflation Zombies"
You gave them up for dead . . . and now Inflation Zombies attack while fiscal and monetary policies are too weak and innefective from years of overuse to battle them!
You are horrified as your highest nominal-yield investments melt like butter to negative real-yields from the the Inflation Zombies' relentless onslaught.
While, on the one hand, Keynesian economists' plaintive cries for "Hit the Monetary Brakes Now" fall unheeded, on the other hand they applaud the swift and brutal market response of the Inflation Zombies; reaffirmation of what the Keynesians knew would happen all along.
Who will emerge to save the global economies from "The Attack of the Inflation Zombies?"
World War is not currently popular and so is off the table indefinitely (Whew!!) . . .
The space race is evolving and is now conducted primarily on The Science Channel . . .
All is lost . . . But wait! . . . Look, up in the sky . . . way, way up . . . is it a bird, is it a plane, is it space junk? . . . No, it's . . .
A DOOMSDAY ASTEROID - the size of Manhattan - and it's headed straight for Earth!!!
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!
OMG! WT_ are we gonna do? . . .
We're gonna spend Trillions of our world currency resources to destroy it, BEFORE it destroys us!!! . . . Yeah, that's the ticket!! THAT'S what we're gonna do!!!
Midway through the build phase of the "International AstroZapper 5000," the worlds' economies completely slay all the Inflation Zombie's by coordinated weilding of massive Anti-Asteroid government stimulus programs.
The asteroid is eventually destroyed and the world emerges (from it's economic malaise and the follow-on war with Inflation Zombies) stronger and much more resilient, which goes largely unnoticed by the global populace, but it is very much noticed . . . to the sheer delight of Keynesian economists (who, despite using their one hand, and then their other hand, cannot seem to wipe a permanently smug expression off their face).
The American Humane Association has requested the following disclaimer - No economists were harmed during the posting of this comment :)
Perhaps Inflation is in witness protection alive and well.
I think I saw Inflation in a couple of places.
Something looking like inflation, but going by the name Price Savings, stole one button off my three button shirt!
Then again at the meat counter, by a different name: Value-Priced Quality.
And Buy Bulk & Save also looked like Inflation.
Either Inflation has Doppelgangers with names like Price Savings, Market Uncertainty, Bulk Buying Best Price, on and on . . . or Inflation is alive and well.
What a great load of BS the government has been selling. What do we call the 3.1% annualized rate increase in food and fuel from the same BLS news release? Is there another word for increasing costs and decreasing value of my money? Poorer seems about right but does not make a good sound bite.
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