8
For richer or poorer...
Wedding bands.
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Tess Vigeland: Here's one to light up the phones and our Facebook page: How should couples handle their money? You could pool your income or keep things completely separate. Divvy up the mortgage, the grocery bill, the babysitter money. Here's what some of our colleagues at Marketplace do.
Devin Robins: My husband and I have completely separate finances.
Paddy Hirsch: We have a single account.
Mitchell Hartman: We deal with our finances together.
Stephen Hoffman: We do have our own separate accounts.
Matt Berger: My wife and I share a bank account.
Hoffman: But the accounts are empty.
Robins: When we go out to eat, it usually works without us even saying it.
Hirsch: When I'm playing, it's usually in an area where I don't need any money, like I'll go up into the mountains or I'll go surfing or something.
Robins: I will pay, if he paid last time.
Hirsch: So whenever I'm going to be spending money, she's pretty much always there.
Robins: Sometimes he forgets; a lot of the times he forgets.
Hartman: The truth is, I'm the bill payer.
Robins: And so I will remind him when it's his turn.
Hartman: I've taken control.
Berger: She likes skin products, and I'm a hobby/furniture maker, so I buy lots of power tools.
Hoffman: So now, maybe afterwards, I can have 100 bucks a month of my own to spend what I want, which would be comic books.
Hoffman laughs
When my husband and I married, we pooled our resources, and even set limits for how much the other could spend on a big ticket item without discussing it the other first. It seemed like a great idea, but over time, it turned out not to be. Deciding who got to spend money on something fun became just another control issue, and we eventually divorced. If I had to do it all over again, I'd fight HARD for the option to pool finances for the joint bills (house and associated expenses) but keep the rest of my income to invest and spend as I see fit. That way, there wouldn't be any questions/anger when I decide that I need an extra latte to make it through a stressful week at work.
My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We signed a pre-nuptial agreement because he had a successful career before I met him. We have a joint checking account for monthly bills like utilities, groceries, household items, etc. We split paying our house expenses 70/30 because he wants to live in a nicer neighborhood than I can afford. I could pay 50% on a more modest home. I pay for my car, he pays for his car. It's worked out well for us because I don't feel like I have to pay for his higher standard of living, and he doesn't have to cheap out because I make less money. We are funding our individual retirements.
We both like it!
Sincerely,
Sandy Katayanagi
How do you surprise each other for birthdays if you only have a joint account? We each have our own bank account, plus a joint account for household expenses and bills. We are on track with our retirement investing and the bills are paid on time, so we don't discuss every latte we purchase.
We each do something like Joan B. Read's suggestion above. We have 2 personal accounts that a set amount goes to every month. That money can be use however the owner would like. Clothes, Hobbies, etc.
The rest goes to our household account. This account covers all household bills, mortgage, groceries, kid supplies, etc. Any big ticket household items is discussed and agreed on before the purchase.
I can't remember the last time We had a fight over money in the last 16 years.
I must really be getting old! We have been married a while but we put our money into an account that we pay our "common bills" and every other bill that comes to us. If I remember correctly we promised to become one when we got married. If I want something, a new tool or something for my hobbies we talk about it, can we afford it, do I need or want it and make the decision together, same goes for my wives clothing purchases.
Needing separate accounts for our separate needs appears to be very childish. It is something I would expect a 5 year old to want, because at that age it is usually about me!
Me and my husband have separate checking accounts and one joint savings account. We split the common bills; he puts his half in the joint savings where I withdrawal it to pay the bills. We also have separate savings account. I usually pay more of the grocery bill but he pays when we go out to eat. It works for us.
We have been married over a year and our system works well for us. We pool our money. We pay bills, together, out of one bank account which forces us to talk about our finances on a regular basis. We use the envelope technique for all expences outside of the bills such as gas, groceries, and fun. When the envelope is empty, your out of cash, and you have to stop until next pay day.
I was fascinated by Tess Vigeland's story on the ways in which her colleagues handle money in their relationships. I am a clinical psychologist, and for years now, I have advised couples who bring money disagreements into my office to have a joint account only for commonly shared expenses (household expenses, child care, etc), and to set up independent accounts for each in the couple into which the remainder after common expenses is split. Money is a lightening rod for more difficult issues in a relationship, such as trust, intimacy, communication, connection, and so forth. Getting money out of the way opens up the deeper issues to be dealt with.
Thanks for a stimulating program.
Cordially, Joan B. Read, PhD
