The drinks are on me

Uh, drink recipes, I mean. Our NY reporter Jeremy Hobson forwarded a great little item in the New Yorker titled "Cocktail Recipes for the Recession." Among my favorites -- the Broke and Tan and the Long Island Iced 401(k).

Long Island Iced 401(k)
Put hopes in shaker. Add dreams. Shake until dashed, then drink all the vodka, gin, tequila, and rum left in liquor cabinet.

Broke & Tan
Fall asleep in yard on weekday, wake up sunburned and so dehydrated that anything tastes good.

BlackBerry Sling
Discover that your BlackBerry doesn't work because you haven't paid the bill. Sling it against the wall, then buy a prepaid phone and make some rum in your toilet.

Bloody Maria Bartiromo
Squeeze four packets of McDonald's ketchup and one packet of pepper into a glass. Mix with eight ounces homemade hooch. Drink while you watch the Money Honey on a TV in the window of a Circuit City that's going out of business at the end of the month.

Tequila Slumlord
To avoid foreclosure, rent the other bedrooms in your condo to migrant farmworkers; steal their booze when they go out to work.

Nice work, New Yorker. I'd like to add a few of my own:

The Banker's Manhattan
Squeeze toxic assets into shaker. Stir in public and private money. Cover with a tarp. Remove tarp, then drink. Poison control's number is on the fridge.

The Treasury PJ
First, start with vodka. No, make that rum. On second thought, gin would be better. Although, tequila might work too. Does anybody have any whiskey?

The Obama Slammer
Take up a collection from the neighbors, starting with the richest ones. Buy as much liquor as possible. Pour into the bathtub. Open the drain. Repeat.

The Madoff Mimosa Have all your friends buy you expensive champagne. Tell them you'll give them more expensive champagne in return, plus orange juice. Then, don't.

Got your own recipe? Let's hear it...

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Untouchable Bank Bailout

Blend cans of Red Bull, chocolate-flavored Ensure, an overripe banana and a few shots of espresso. Freeze until hard as a rock and impossible to serve without an icepick. See, it would re-energize you, if only you could get a taste.

<b>Your Future on the Rocks<b>

Combine your life's savings with a blind faith in the market. Poor over ice.

Hornitos straight up.

Hornitos as in the tequila reposado 100% agave. And that's it. A lot of it to forget about this darn crisis.
And Tecate at less than a buck per can to save money. No lime... to save money too.

Pink Slip Cosmo

Cancel cable service. Head to library to rent old "Sex and the City" DVDs. Come home, mix "Two Buck Chuck" with water, and pour into martini glass.

Carrie, that is both disgusting and hilarious.

Jim Cramer Jell-O Shooters

Take one bombastic CNBC host, heat him up on camera while he love-bombs execs from Bear Stearns and Merrill Lynch, hose him off with Jon Stewart's venomous spittle, strain the remains into little plastic shot cups, add a box of Lemon-Lime Jell-O and vodka and chill until firm.

Frozen Assets Daiquiri -- Pay bartender by the name of say, R. Allen Stanford. Dream about the taste of your cold and fruity drink. Wait at bar. Get nothing.

I think it's time for happy hour...

<b>Car Bomb</b> Stir one bottle of Jack Daniels into the McDonalds soda that has been sitting in the cup holder of your Suburban for 2 weeks. Chug quickly before pushing your Suburban off a cliff. Collect insurance money to buy a Toyota Yaris & a bottle of Saki.

A Yaris and a bottle of Saki. Nice.

<b>The back of the liquor cabinet</b>: Open up your liquor cabinet. Note that, since seeing your 401K slide and feeling nervous about your job for six months, all your favorite bottles are drained. Mix 1 jigger each of the cheap gin, no-label bourbon, moonshine and exotic liquor you bought in Germany back when you could still afford to take a vacation. Add tears and vitriol to taste. Drink while staring blankly at your resume.

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