Find the latest episode of "The Uncertain Hour" here. Listen
Marketplace Scratch Pad

Let’s go a caroling

Scott Jagow Dec 24, 2009

What would the holidays be without rewritten versions of Christmas classics? And so, I’ll leave you to your holiday festivities with some of my own Christmas, uh, cheer…

Last year, as Congress was springing the bank rescue package on us, I was inspired to write this:

‘Twas the night before BAILOUT, when all through the House
Each Democrat conferring, each Republican in doubt
Stocks were hung on Wall Street with fear
In hopes St. Paulson soon would be there.

The bankers nestled all smug in their beds
While visions of BAILOUT danced in their heads
When on the White House lawn, arose such a clatter
The President awoke to see what was the matter.
And what to his wondering eyes did appear
But a bundle of tax breaks, marks of the ear!
Wooden arrows for children, rebates on rum
Car racing credits, billions in sum!

To the top of the House, to the top of Hill
The satchel of pork the Senate did spill
Baucus! Reid! Obama! McCain!
Now Boehner! Now Frank! You vote the same!

Paulson, Bernanke, they sprang to their sleigh
“Here we come, Wall Street, we’re on our way!”
But we heard them exclaim as they left with their sack…
“Taxpayers, don’t fret, you’ll get your money back!”

This year, I have a medley to share. I think you can figure out the tune for each verse:

The taxpayers got run over by the banks
A rescue plan that seemed to deceive
You can say there’s no such thing as Too Big
But as for me and Volcker, we believe.

You’re a mean one, Mr. Debt
You really are a steal
You’re as cuddly as a T-bill, you’re as charming as an eel
Mr Debt.
I wouldn’t touch you with a 12 trillion and a half foot pole!

I’ll have a blue Christmas without you
I’ll be so blue just thinking about you
My bonus of green
In a stocking of red
Won’t mean a thing
Because it’s all in my head.

Investments roasting on an open fire
The tax man nipping at your nose
Bosses are in no hurry to hire
While folks continue to foreclose.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year
With the job market smelling, the president telling you
Be of good cheer
It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Seriously, Happy Holidays to you and yours. I’ll be around next week, but if you aren’t, have a Happy New Year as well. Here’s to JOBS in 2010…

News and information you need, from a source you trust.

In a world where it’s easier to find disinformation than real information, trustworthy journalism is critical to our democracy and our everyday lives. And you rely on Marketplace to be that objective, credible source, each and every day.

This vital work isn’t possible without you. Marketplace is sustained by our community of Investors—listeners, readers, and donors like you who believe that a free press is essential – and worth supporting.

Stand up for independent news—become a Marketplace Investor today with a donation in any amount.