The Punchline

A Visit from the AntiClaus

Richard Core Dec 20, 2008

Contributed by Catherine Adams, Loveland, Ohio….

‘Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the house (not in foreclosure)
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse (left for greener pasture).
The (old and much mended) stockings were hung by the woodstove (stimulus check) with care
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

And hubby in his flannels and I in my fleece (programmable thermostat)
Had just settled down for some quiet and peace,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the (new low-E, energy-efficient) windows I flew in a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
For a while I stood musing (and wasting the heat)
While the cold tweaked my earlobes and froze my poor feet.

But soon my wondering eyes did behold
A man dressed in pinstripes standing out in the cold.
“Santa?!” said I — no, it cannot be he,
For he looked like a fellow I’d seen on TV (not cable).

No twinkling eyes or nose like a cherry —
His sober demeanor made me quite wary.
He spotted me standing there aghast like a jerk
Stepped through my window and got straight to work.

He rubbed his hands briefly, he brushed off the snow,
Opened his briefcase and said “You owe some dough.
First bailouts for Wall Street and Fannie and Freddie.
A few bucks for car makers sure would be dandy.
Let’s prop up the bankers and get those boys lending,
And we’ll pay for it all through some deficit spending.”
He announced all of this in a voice that was thrilling
Except that his words were really quite chilling.

He sprang though the window (what’s wrong with the door?)
Leaving pieces of paper and a puddle on the floor.
My jammies felt clammy, my pockets felt pinched,
And I knew in a moment that I’d just been Grinched.

It’s been a wild year, and what can you do
When the global economy’s coming unglued?
Wall Street’s gone mad, my stocks are all tanking
And my retirement funds have gotten a Hank-ing.

I stared for a moment, and just shook my head,
Fastened the window and went back to bed.

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