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The drinks are on me

Scott Jagow Mar 13, 2009

Uh, drink recipes, I mean. Our NY reporter Jeremy Hobson forwarded a great little item in the New Yorker titled “Cocktail Recipes for the Recession.” Among my favorites — the Broke and Tan and the Long Island Iced 401(k).

Long Island Iced 401(k)
Put hopes in shaker. Add dreams. Shake until dashed, then drink all the vodka, gin, tequila, and rum left in liquor cabinet.

Broke & Tan
Fall asleep in yard on weekday, wake up sunburned and so dehydrated that anything tastes good.

BlackBerry Sling
Discover that your BlackBerry doesn’t work because you haven’t paid the bill. Sling it against the wall, then buy a prepaid phone and make some rum in your toilet.

Bloody Maria Bartiromo
Squeeze four packets of McDonald’s ketchup and one packet of pepper into a glass. Mix with eight ounces homemade hooch. Drink while you watch the Money Honey on a TV in the window of a Circuit City that’s going out of business at the end of the month.

Tequila Slumlord
To avoid foreclosure, rent the other bedrooms in your condo to migrant farmworkers; steal their booze when they go out to work.

Nice work, New Yorker. I’d like to add a few of my own:

The Banker’s Manhattan
Squeeze toxic assets into shaker. Stir in public and private money. Cover with a tarp. Remove tarp, then drink. Poison control’s number is on the fridge.

The Treasury PJ
First, start with vodka. No, make that rum. On second thought, gin would be better. Although, tequila might work too. Does anybody have any whiskey?

The Obama Slammer
Take up a collection from the neighbors, starting with the richest ones. Buy as much liquor as possible. Pour into the bathtub. Open the drain. Repeat.

The Madoff Mimosa Have all your friends buy you expensive champagne. Tell them you’ll give them more expensive champagne in return, plus orange juice. Then, don’t.

Got your own recipe? Let’s hear it…

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