Look, Bright Eyes is a good band, but I don’t think appealing to its fans is going to yield Microsoft that many marketing opportunities. Oh, what’s that? The patent Microsoft filed isn’t about appealing to fans of warbly-voiced emo bands? No, it’s actually looking into selling you ads based on your emotions. You know how Kinect, Microsoft’s movement-sensing device that lets people play games and use their computers without touching anything, sort of watches you? Well, in the future, if Kinect sees you hugging your significant other or taking a nap on the couch, you might start seeing ads based on your actions.

From the Atlantic:

… if [Kinect] can see you playing games, that same technology can observe you walking around your house, cleaning, preparing dinner, parenting, smiling, crying, kissing, laughing. Microsoft’s new patent proposes that all of that activity — that is to say, life — is just another data trail, rich with information for advertisers, ready to be mined.

This is either the bat-poop craziest thing I have ever heard, or way more brilliant than my tiny mind grapes will ever be able to comprehend. How can a motion sensing device tell whether you’re hugging because you’re happy or sad (and can you fake it out)? Maybe I don’t really like that bowl of Grape Nuts Kinect sees me eating, but I had to use the last of the milk before going on vacation. Who’s to say?

If Kinect really does start watching my, searching my emotions, I’m sure to see lots of ads for anti-anxiety medication, because I’ll be curled up, cowering in the corner.