(This item is brought to you by George Lucas’s internal monologue)

“Let’s see. First, I created the most beloved and important trilogy of science-fiction movies in history. I mean, really, some of the most popular and successful movies of all time. Then I started changing those movies. You know, to ruin them just a BIT. THEN I made three new prequel movies that were not only awful but SO awful they ruined those first three great movies a little bit more. I mean, these movies are crimes. THEY’RE FELONIOUS MOVIES. What do I do next? HOW ABOUT I put the first of those terrible movies – the one with the horrible boy actor – in 3D! Yes. YES. That will be even more twisted and hateful than anything else I can do. I’m evil and I hate people. The 3D version of The Phantom Menace will be released next February. Subsequent versions will follow.”