Bridget and Ryan are approached by a big film producer to write the next summer blockbuster — a movie all about the penny! The timing couldn’t be better because so many of you have been wanting to know: why did the U.S. stop making pennies? The answer comes down to dollars and cents. But … will this be “Million Bazillion”’s big break into Hollywood? Listen now to find out.
After listening to the episode, try out these related conversation starters with your kids:
What did you think when you heard the U.S. had stopped making pennies?
When was the last time you used a penny to pay for something? Have you ever been told a store was out of pennies for change?
Do you save or collect pennies? If so, how do you store and organize them?
If you had to choose another coin for the US to stop making, what would it be and why?
*Bonus* Not-So-Random Question: would you rather have money grow on trees or fall from the sky? Why?
For listeners who want to keep the learning going, start here:
Wondering why we have pennies to begin with? We answered that question in a previous “Million Bazillion” episode. Catch up here.
If you heard the phrase “intellectual property” in today’s episode and were left with even more questions, listen to our episode all about “IP”.
“Million Bazillion” is now on YouTube. Check out our channel: like, subscribe, and share with a friend!
Thank you for listening to this season of Million Bazillion. We’ll be back with a new season soon, and that means we’re looking for new questions. If you have a money question you’d like us to answer, send it our way us using this online form. And, thanks!
Note: Marketplace podcasts are meant to be heard, with emphasis, tone and audio elements a transcript can’t capture. Scripts may contain errors. Please check the corresponding audio before quoting it.
PENNYWISE
COLD OPEN
BRIDGET: Hey, Ryan. Have you seen that old coffee can I had on my desk?
RYAN: Yeah, I borrowed it to make some coffee.
BRIDGET: Ryan! That can didn’t have coffee beans in it. It’s full of my old change. Can’t you tell?
RYAN: No, ever since I had Covid, all coffee tastes like copper to me.
(SFX: DOOR OPEN)
(SFX: OFFICE HUBBUB UNTIL DOOR CLOSES)
MOVIE PRODUCER: Excuse me, is this the Million Bazillion offices? I’m looking for Bridget and Ryan.
BRIDGET: That’s us.
MOVIE PRODUCER: Sorry to drop by unannounced, but this is sort of an emergency. Name’s Donna Rickles, I’m a producer at Triumph Pictures International.
RYAN: The big movie studio?
SFX: HOLLYWOOD BUILD UP MUSIC
MOVIE PRODUCER: Yep, that Triumph Pictures International. And I have a question- would you two be interested in writing a movie for our studio?
BRIDGET: Uhh, we don’t really have any experience doing that.
MOVIE PRODUCER: Oh, I’m aware. But you see, for this project, I don’t exactly want professionals.
BRIDGET: Ok good, cause we’re definitely not Hollywood insiders.
RYAN: Well, speak for yourself. I’m an AMC Stubs A-Lister, you know what that means? I can see up to four movies a week with my membership. So I’d say that makes me an insider.
BRIDGET: Ok, Ryan, calm down-
RYAN: I am calm. I’m just saying when I go to the AMC Theater, they don’t even check my ID now. They just wave me in and say, “Hey, Ryan. Welcome back. By the way, this movie is in 3D. Here’s some 3D glasses on the house.”
BRIDGET: I think everybody gets free glasses at a 3D movie.
RYAN: Whatever! Point is- I’d say I’m at least industry-adjacent.
MOVIE PRODUCER: OK, that’s cool. But the reason I’m here is- maybe you’ve noticed for the last few years- all the biggest movies have been based on some kind of familiar IP.
BRIDGET: Oh yeah, we know all about IP- or intellectual property. We talked about it in our episode on copyrights. Season 9, episode 8.
MOVIE PRODUCER: So then you’ve seen movies based on Barbie, Lego, Minecraft. They even made a movie about Air Jordans. But what’s the one IP that hasn’t been made into a movie yet?
RYAN: Umm, I can’t think of any-
MOVIE PRODUCER: Pennies!
RYAN: Huh?
MOVIE PRODUCER: Pennies! The coins! Pennies are like the most famous thing, and there’s never been a movie about them!
BRIDGET: (NOT REALLY GETTING IT) Hmm, I guess- yeah, I guess that’s true?
MOVIE PRODUCER: What’s more- it’s been a big news story that pennies are being phased out! People are freaking out about it- like when they decided Pluto would no longer be a planet. This is our last chance to tell the story of pennies before they’re gone forever!
BRIDGET: Well, actually, they’re not really gone forever, the Mint just isn’t going to press any more of them. You can still use them as legal money.
MOVIE PRODUCER: Oh sure but it’ll be impossible to get your hands on one!
BRIDGET: Actually, there are still a WHOLE lot of pennies out there right now, like billions.
MOVIE: But for the purposes of this movie, we’re looking to juice up the drama of it all, m’kay? Our studio wants to fast-track a penny movie to hit theaters this summer, to take advantage of everyone caring about pennies right now. Will you two write it for us?
RYAN: Uhhh.... Yes! Of course. I shouldn’t speak for Bridget, she’s her own person. But yes, we’ll do it. Consider us in.
BRIDGET: But I have a question- Why not hire actual screenwriters? Why us?
MOVIE PRODUCER: Because you two know all about money!.
BRIDGET: No one knows about money in Hollywood?
MOVIE PRODUCER: Not really. We like money, but we don’t know anything about it. We tried giving the penny idea to some bigtime writers- Aaron Sorkin, Mike White, Shonda Rhimes- no one could crack it. We even fed the prompt to an AI chatbot, but it just spat back a bunch of wrong facts about dimes and then tried to take over the whole studio.
(MUSIC: HOLLYWOOD FANFARE)
BRIDGET: Alright, we’ll write the penny movie. I guess this means Million Bazillion is going…
BRIDGET AND RYAN: (IN UNISON) …Hollywood!
–Theme Music–
RYAN: Welcome to the 10th season finale of Million Bazillion. I’m Ryan.
BRIDGET: And I’m Bridget. And we help dollars make more sense. And on today’s show we’re literally talking about cents. We better get started on this penny screenplay. The studio’s gonna need it done ASAP to get the movie released for the summer, before everyone forgets about pennies.
RYAN: Sorta makes me wonder- has one of our kid listeners ever asked about pennies before?
BRIDGET: Hmmm, lemme check our question archives.
(MUSIC: QUESTION MONTAGE MUSIC)
MONTAGE OF KID QUESTIONS:
VISHNU AND AVA: Why did the US stop making pennies?
ABIGAIL: Why did they stop making pennies?
JOSEPHINE: Why have they stopped making pennies?
AVERY: Why did the government stop making pennies?
BRIDGET: Yep. Looks like we’ve gotten a few questions on pennies.
RYAN: A lot of kids are curious why they stopped making pennies. What’s the answer?
BRIDGET: Well, the idea of getting rid of pennies has been kicking around for a while-
RYAN: Wait- gimme the short, exciting answer, like the trailer version. Maybe this is the movie.
BRIDGET: Um, ok, I guess it would go something like…
(SFX: PROJECTOR CLICK AND WIND-UP SOUND)
(MUSIC: TENSE TRAILER MUSIC)
BRIDGET: (DRAMATIC TRAILER VOICE) In a world where an increasing number of transactions involve no cash or coins at all…
(SFX: EXPLOSIVE THUD)
BRIDGET: (DRAMATIC): … And a single penny can’t buy anything anymore… the Department of the Treasury… will stop at nothing… to eliminate the penny… because they say it is no longer fiscally responsible to make them.
(SFX: EXPLOSIVE THUD)
(SFX: PANICKED CROWD)
PANICKED PERSON: (OFF-MIC) Oh no! They’re taking away pennies! Just like they took away Pluto!
(SFX: CROWD SCREAMS)
BRIDGET: With a projected annual savings of $56 million dollars on penny-making materials, it’s an offer the U.S. Mint can’t refuse. But questions remain… like, how will we give change for items in a cash transaction when the price in cents doesn’t end on a zero or a five? Will we round down? Or will we round…UP?
PANICKED PERSON: (OFF-MIC) I’m so confused! There’s literal fractions of dollars at stake here!
BRIDGET: Find out this summer. At the, uhhhh, Untitled Penny Movie. Coming to a theater near you. Rated PG.
RYAN: (HUSHED) It has to be a little more edgy than that.
SFX: REWIND SFX
BRIDGET: Ok. Rated PG-13.
(END DRAMATIC TRAILER MUSIC)
RYAN: That was good, but it’s not really feeling like a movie, y’know.
BRIDGET: Yeah, I see what you mean. We gotta fill it in with characters and suspense and drama and all the movie-type stuff.
RYAN: Ok, gonna need some coffee.
(SFX: SIPPING COFFEE)
SFX COINS JANGLING IN A COFFEE MUG
BRIDGET: Ryan! That’s still my change!
RYAN: Ahhh,, I keep forgetting that! Ok, we’re gonna go get some real coffee, learn everything there is to know about pennies and why they’re going away, and then write the best movie ever made… when we come back.
–ARK–
I’m Jeremiah from Utah, here with today’s Asking Random Kids Not-So-Random Questions …
Today’s question is: Would you rather have money that grows on trees or money that falls from the sky?
money that grows on trees because then you could just pick it. I’d rather have money grows on threes because it just falls it could be a lot to clean up when it's all on the floor. I would rather have money fall from the sky because it would be easier to get, grows on trees not tall trees. Trees because I don’t want them to hit my head. And if it grows on trees it would help you limit your things.
That was:
Sadie in New Jersey
Lucia in Chicago
Trey in Virginia
And Liam and Connor in Maryland
This has been Asking Random Kids Not So Random Questions
Part 1:
BRIDGET: Welcome back to Million Bazillion! Today, Ryan and I have been tasked with writing a hit movie about pennies and so far we’ve been brainstorming a bunch of ideas but none of them really seem like winners, you know?--
(SFX: PEN SCRIBBLING SOUND)
RYAN: Ok, how ‘bout this? A normal man wakes up one day and everything he touches turns to copper. Like King Midas, but for pennies. The movie’s called The Penny Touch.
BRIDGET: That could be good… though it would be nice if our movie could get into the history of pennies, why we have them, and why we’re about to lose them. You know, something fact-filled and educational.
RYAN: Did you say… history? That gives me an idea. What if our penny movie was a grand epic origin story? Something respectable and awardsy and, like Oppenheimer, Selma, or Lincoln? Imagine a big historical biopic…
(SFX: PROJECTOR CLICK AND WIND-UP SOUND)
(SFX: GRAND HISTORICAL SCORE)
RYAN: Interior. The U.S. Mint. The year is 1793. Big, clunky machines are churning out the very first pennies, engraved with Lincoln’s face-
(SFX: RECORD SCRATCH, MUSIC STOP)
BRIDGET: Wait a minute. This movie is already historically inaccurate.
RYAN: What do you mean?
BRIDGET: The first pennies were created by the U.S. Mint in 1793 and were hugely popular, but they didn’t have Lincoln on them. In fact, Lincoln wasn’t even born in 1793. The original face to appear on the penny was… a woman.
RYAN: (SPIT TAKE) A wo-wo-woman, you say?
BRIDGET: Yes.
(SFX: PROJECTOR CLICK AND WIND-UP SOUND)
(SFX: TRIUMPHANT HISTORICAL SCORE)
BRIDGET: The original face to appear on the first pennies was a woman with flowing hair, symbolizing liberty. She kinda looks like Kate Winslet in the second half of Titanic when she lets her hair down.
RYAN: Ok, casting note, the original penny should be played by Kate Winslet, if avail.
(SFX: WIND)
LADY LIBERTY: (WINSLET-LIKE) ‘Tis I, Lady Liberty, my visage engraved into the earliest pennies made of pure copper and larger than a modern penny. Nothing can stop me from being a symbol of freedom!
(SFX: LIGHTNING)
(MUSIC: TROUBLED SCORE)
BRIDGET: But in 1857, pennies became smaller and their metal composition changes to 88% copper and 12% nickel. The U.S. Mint is at a crossroads. Almost like a romantic crossroads. Should the Mint keep its relationship with the penny the same? Or was he looking for something different? ALT: Or was he looking to break things off?
SFX: ROMANTIC, WISTFUL MUSIC
LADY LIBERTY: You look…. distracted. Is something on your mind? A Me for your thoughts?
U.S. MINT GUY: Sorry, Liberty Lady. We here at the U.S. mint are gonna take this redesign as an opportunity to put something different on the penny.
LADY LIBERTY: (HURT) Oh, I see.
U.S. MINT GUY: Sorry. This isn’t my decision. I think you’re beautiful. Very beautiful. So, so beautif-
LADY LIBERTY: Well, if you’re no longer using my face, maybe you can use a real woman from history instead?
U.S. MINT GUY: Nahh, we’re thinking of putting an eagle on it instead.
LADY LIBERTY: An eagle?!?
(SFX: EAGLE CAW)
EAGLE: Hey, sorry I’m replacing you. Big fan, by the way.
LADY LIBERTY: I suppose that’s ok. They’ll put another woman on a big American currency soon enough, right?... Right?
U.S. MINT GUY: Ummmm….
LADY LIBERTY: Not even, like, Harriet Tubman?
U.S. MINT GUY: Ummmm…. We’ll get back to you on that.
BRIDGET: Then, in 1909- Abraham Lincoln, who was already long gone by then, becomes the first president to be on a coin in honor of his 100th birthday.
SFX: MUSIC
(SFX: METAL ENGRAVING SOUND)
U.S. MINT GUY: Alright, Abraham Lincoln, it’s your time to shine on the penny.
LINCOLN: I cannot tell a lie: I’m excited for this moment.
U.S. MINT GUY: That’s actually Washington’s catchphrase, but whatever. Ok, let’s see, on one side of the penny we’ll put Lincoln, and on the other side? Two sheaves of wheat to represent the strength of American agriculture and prosperity.
LINCOLN: Yeah. And cause it’s important to get your fiber. One thing’s for sure… this penny ain’t gluten-free. (CHUCKLE) And that’s how I came into this world! Well, thank ya’ll for coming to the penny movie. I hope you had a better time out at the theater than I did.
(SFX: RECORD SCRATCH)
BRIDGET: Ok, hold up. I’m not feeling like the beginnings of the penny were dramatic enough to be an Oscar-winning historical epic.
RYAN: Yeah, unfortunately, I think you’re right. If we’re gonna make a movie about the penny being ripped away from the American consumer, we have to focus on the conflict- the arguments for and against having pennies.
BRIDGET: Arguments, you say? What if the movie was one of those super intense courtroom dramas?
(SFX: PROJECTOR CLICK AND WIND-UP SOUND)
(MUSIC: TENSE SCORING)
(SFX: GAVEL BANG)
JUDGE: The court will now hear the prosecution’s case for getting rid of the penny.
PROSECUTOR: Y’awna, no one’s arguing the penny hasn’t had an epic run. 1792 to 2025? That’s 232 years of copper glory.
JUDGE: Why do I feel a “but” coming on?
PROSECUTOR: But over the past 10 years, the total production cost of the penny has risen from 1.3 cents to 3.69 cents per penny! A penny now costs way more to make than…well, a penny! , The U.S. Mint could save $56 million dollars a year in material and production costs by stopping penny production. The Department of the Treasury should be allowed to take them away.
SFX: JURY SHOCKED REACTIONS
SFX: COURTROOM NOISES
DEFENSE: Objection, y’awna! According to the Constitution, doesn’t Congress have to sign off on which denominations of money are coined? Since when can the Treasury Department get rid of pennies all on their own?
PROSECUTOR: Objection, y’awna! The Treasury, in fact, has the authority to mint whatever amount of money they want! If they want zero pennies, then we’re getting zero pennies.
DEFENSE: Objection, y’awna! We’ve always had pennies, and we should always have pennies!
PROSECUTOR: Objection, y’awna! For every three pennies the Mint makes, only one of those pennies even circulates! The rest end up on the bottom of ya daddy’s cadillac’s cupholders! And you know it!
SFX: JURY REACTS
DEFENSE: Objection, y’awna! Do we really wanna live in a world where the nickel is the coin of lowest value?
PROSECUTOR: Objection, y’awna! Are fewer coins out there a bad thing? Less than one in five transactions involves coins or cash of any kind nowadays! Everyone’s buying stuff with cards and apps!
(SFX: GAVEL BANG)
JUDGE: Counselors, please! You don’t need to start every point with “objection.” Just talk normal.
PROSECUTOR: May it please the court, the prosecution calls to the stand, the PENNY!
(SFX: JURY GASPS)
(SFX: DOORS SWING OPEN)
(SFX: ROLLING PENNY)
(SFX: RECORD SCRATCH)
BRIDGET: Wait, who should play the penny?
RYAN: Uhh, let’s just cast Kate Winslet again. She always kills it.
BRIDGET: Ok.
(SFX: PROJECTOR CLICK AND WIND-UP SOUND)
(RESUME SCORING)
BAILIFF: Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
LADY LIBERTY: I swear.
BAILIFF: And can I make a wish on you?
LADY LIBERTY: Maybe later.
PROSECUTOR: So, Penny, you’d say you’re a useful currency, wouldn’t you?
LADY LIBERTY: I would say that, yes.
PROSECUTOR: So, say I take you down to my local store today, what’s something I could buy with one of you?
LADY LIBERTY: Ummm, well, there’s not much you can buy for just one penny
PROSECUTOR: Oh, well, let’s double you then. What’s something I could buy with two of you?
LADY LIBERTY: Ummm,two pennies isn’t quite enough to-
PROSECUTOR: How bout three pennies?
LADY LIBERTY: (CRACKING) I see what you’re trying to do, but-
PROSECUTOR: How about FOUR pennies? Is there anything I can buy at the store right now for only four pennies?
LADY LIBERTY (SCREAMING) No there isn’t! (CRYING) There isn’t! THERE ISN’T!
PROSECUTOR: I rest my case!
DEFENSE: Objection, y’awna! The prosecution made my client cry!
LADY LIBERTY: It’s true! I can barely buy anything anymore! And, even worse, if you see me and pick me up, that doesn’t mean you’ll have good luck!
(SFX: JURY GASPS)
(SFX: GAVEL BANG)
JUDGE: Order! I’ll have order in my courtroom!
(SFX: RECORD SCRATCH)
RYAN: Ok, this is good. I’m liking this Few Good Men version. The only problem is, even though pennies may end up losing their case, they’re actually not going away entirely, per se There are still like 114 billion pennies out there circulating for as long as people are using them. That’s a ton of pennies that are still gonna be out there.
BRIDGET: Yeah, losing the penny was kind of a shock, and for some people who mostly use cash, a real problem. But for other people, who don’t, it’s possible they’ve barely even noticed this huge change in our coinage!
RYAN: How do we write a movie that gets this all across?
BRIDGET: I don’t know! Writing movies is hard!
RYAN: Ok, you know what they say works when you get stuck writing? Get up and take a walk around the block.
BRIDGET: But what if a walk around the block doesn’t work?
RYAN: Then I guess you just keep walking around the block until you figure it out and, if you don’t, at least you end up in really good shape. We’re gonna take a walk and keep trying to crack the idea for our great penny movie… right after this!
MIDROLL -
Part 2:
(SFXL OUTDOOR CITY AMBI)
BRIDGET: Welcome back to Million Bazillion. On today’s episode, we’ve been tasked with writing a big Hollywood movie about pennies to piggyback onto the publicity they’ve been getting since being discontinued. But we’re having a hard time landing on the perfect idea.
RYAN: Yeah, so we’re just taking a walk around the block to clear our heads, and I think this fresh air is helping my creativity. I’m getting excited about this idea again, like what if we took a totally original approach, like-
MOVIE PRODUCER: (FAST, A LITTLE BREATHLESS) Bridget, Ryan! Amazing running into you on my power walk. How’s the first draft of the script coming?
BRIDGET: Oh hi, Donna Rickles. The script is going… great?
MOVIE PRODUCER: Terrific, I’d love to see some pages by end of week. And by the way, I hope you’re not planning to make this some kind of snoozy, fact-filled educational movie.
RYAN: Oh no, we would never dream of writing a movie like that.
MOVIE PRODUCER: Good, cause our audience research shows no one cares about facts like the penny had sheaves of wheat on the back until 1959 when it switched to an engraving of the Lincoln memorial. Our audience wants action, sci-fi, , and most importantly, a cliffhanger ending- even if you gotta introduce new characters out of nowhere in the last minute to make it work!
BRIDGET: Ok, you got it.
MOVIE PRODUCER: You gotta leave the story open for multiple sequels, a franchise, an extended universe with a nickel movie, a quarter movie, a theme park if we decide to go that way.
RYAN: Ok, consider it done.
MOVIE PRODUCER: Oh, and remember, when the movie hits streaming people are gonna be watching while half paying attention to their phones, so you’re gonna have to restate what’s happening in the plot every two minutes.
BRIDGET: Alright, we’ll be sure to-
MOVIE PRODUCER: Oh, and good news- Coinstar- you know those machines you put all your change into and it sorts it out- that Coinstar wants to do product placement in the movie. So write a scene where the characters use Coinstar and I dunno, maybe it saves the day. (BEEPING) Uh oh, looks like I’m dipping below my ideal heart rate. Gotta run. (AIR KISSES) Look forward to reading those pages! You’re genius rockstars! Bye!
(END OUTSIDE AMBI)
SFX: STING
RYAN: Yeesh, studios have so many little rules for writing a movie. This is like doing a group science project, but less fun.
BRIDGET: OK, here’s an idea. How ‘bout we start our movie after the penny’s been discontinued.
RYAN: Great, our movie opens in a post-penny world. Love it.
BRIDGET: Y’know, I was reading about the last pressing of pennies at the Philadelphia Mint and did you know the final five ceremonial pennies were sold for more than $16 million dollars?
RYAN: Whooo boy… imagine getting your hands on those rare pennies. I bet it would be worth pulling off a daring heist.
BRIDGET: Hey, that gives me an idea…
(SFX: PROJECTOR CLICK AND WIND-UP SOUND)
(SFX: FUNK ORGAN GROOVE)
BRIDGET: We open our movie on a crew of professional thieves planning a penny heist.
CLOONEY-TYPE: Alright, the rare final pennies are in this vault
(PAUSE MUSIC)
RYAN: Wait a minute, we can’t just do a group of sharp-dressed guys like Ocean’s Eleven. Or a group of sharp-dressed women like Ocean’s Eight. How about a group of sharp-dressed children? We’ll call it Ocean’s Nine. Cause there’s nine of them, and their median age is nine years old.
BRIDGET: Love it.
(RESUME MUSIC)
HEIST KID #1: Alright, the rare final pennies are located in a private vault- they’re worth millions of dollars.
HEIST KID 2: And remember, we’re looking for the pennies with the tiny omega symbol.
HEIST KID R: If you see a penny without that symbol, it’s just a regular penny that’s worth, well, one cent.
HEIST KID #2: Got it. So while you distract the guard, I’ll sneak in and open the safe.
HEIST KID #3: Ooo, ooo, can I do the ballet dance through the laser beams? I’m really good at the laser dance. I can make it all the way through without touching the lasers!
HEIST KID #4: But I wanted to do the laser dance!
HEIST KID #2: I wanted to do it too!
HEIST KID #1: Ok, you can all do the laser dance! But if any of you cross the laser, it’ll trigger the alarm and ruin the whole heist. So be careful! OK, let’s buy our disguises and get out here.
HEIST KID #3 LYRIC: Good thing we’re standing right outside a costume shop.
SFX: ELABORATE JANGLY STORE DOOR
HEIST KID #3 (CLEAR THROAT) Excuse me sir/maam, we’d like to buy nine pairs of glasses with mustaches and noses.
(SFX: CASH REGISTER RING UP)
CLERK: Ok, nine pairs of Groucho glasses will cost you $18 dollars and 26 cents. Sorry, gonna have to round that up to 30 cents.
HEIST KID #3: What? Since when?
CLERK: Haven’t you seen the signs at McDonald’s? Ever since they discontinued the penny, cash transactions have been rounded up to the nearest nickel.
HEIST KID #1: Ok, that may be true. But 26 cents shouldn’t be rounded up to 30 cents. It should be rounded down to 25 cents.
CLERK: Who says so?
HEIST KID #2: That’s a basic rounding rule. Prices ending in zero or 5 cents aren’t rounded. If the final digit of a purchase ends in 3, 4, 8 or 9 cents, the bill would be rounded up.
HEIST KID #3: And the amount would be rounded down if it ends in 1, 2, 6 or 7 cents,
HEIST KID #4: 6-7.
ALL THE OTHER KIDS: Boooo! / 67 is old! / Stop saying 6-7! / No more 6-7! / Are you kidding me?!?
HEIST KID #4: Sorry! I didn’t want to say it! Ryan wrote that dialogue! He still thinks kids say 6-7!
HEIST KID #3: Ughhh, Ryan! People don’t say 6-7 anymore!
CLERK: Look, if you want to buy your disguises with a credit card, we won’t have to round at all. But as long as there’s pennies involved, we’re gonna have to figure out some kind of rounding situation.
HEIST Kid #5: Why don’t you just keep the pennies instead of turning them in to the bank with your daily deposits? That way you’ll have some change for customers.
CLERK: Are you telling me how to run my business?
(SFX: RECORD SCRATCH)
RYAN: Ok, I think this whole rounding thing is too long a tangent for this movie.
BRIDGET: Really?Did you know it’ll cost the collective American consumer an estimated 6 million a year in rounding with no one cent coin? I think this is all interesting!
RYAN: You would think it’s interesting. But I don’t think movie audiences are gonna come out and buy a ticket for $17.99 to watch an argument about change.
BRIDGET: Well, actually, that ticket price would be rounded up to $18 dollars if they’re paying in cash.
RYAN: Arrgh! You get what I mean! Let’s just cut straight to the big criss-crossing laser dance sequence.
(SFX: TENSE SCORE)
(SFX: ELECTRONIC LASER HUM)
HEIST #1: (HUSHED) Ok, it’s time for all nine of us to sneak past the laser beams doing a graceful gymnastic dance, one at a time.
HEIST KID #3: Wait a minute, who should go first? Maybe I should go first because I said “Who should go first?”
HEIST KID #2: No, I’m going first!
(SFX: KIDS YELLING)
(SFX: TUMBLING, ALARMS GOING OFF)
HEIST #1: Noo! Not all at once!
(SFX: RECORD SCRATCH)
BRIDGET: Ok, so I guess transitioning off the penny, not to mention a bunch of kids doing a coin heist, might be more complicated than anyone thought.
RYAN: Ok, sounds like an Oceans take isn’t gonna work either. We’re never gonna figure this movie out! Guess I better brew more coffee cause we’re gonna be up all night.
(SFX: COINS POURED INTO COFFEE MACHINE)
SFX: COINS CLATTERING IN MUG
BRIDGET: Ryan! That’s still my change container!
RYAN: Sorry, since Covid, it’s all parking meter-flavored to me.
BRIDGET: I’m taking the coffee can away!
RYAN: Ok, fine! We’ll be right back with more Million Bazillion!
- MINI SEGMENT JOKE - Why are piggy banks so wise? They’re filled with common sense!
Part 3:
(MUSIC: HOLLYWOOD FANFARE)
(SFX: FLASHBULBS, REPORTERS, SCREAMING FANS)
BRIDGET: Welcome back to Million Bazillion. We’re here at the red carpet premiere of our penny movie!
RYAN: Wow, it’s hard to believe that since we last went to break, we finished writing our movie, the whole thing was shot, and it’s coming out in theaters!
BRIDGET: Yes! Time flies… when it has to for dramatic purposes.
MOVIE PRODUCER: Bridget! Ryan! Congrats on the big night! (AIR KISSES) This penny movie better be a hit… or else!
BRIDGET and RYAN: (NERVOUS LAUGHTER)
MOVIE PRODUCER: Haha! I’m just kidding! But seriously, the whole studio is riding on this, so hope you didn’t screw up! (AIR KISSES) See you inside!
RYAN: Oh look, there’s a long line of red carpet reporters waiting to interview us. We don’t have time for all them, we have to recap this episode.
BRIDGET: Oh don’t worry, I know an old journalism trick about entertainment reporters. They don’t care if you answer their question or not. Just figure out what you want to say, say it with confidence, and they’ll nod and go, “That’s amaaaaazing.” Watch.
RED CARPET REPORTER: (VOCAL FRY): Bridget and Ryan, Lawanda Palindrome from The Hollywood Entertainment Access Red Carpet Tonight Report. So, your penny movie stars Ryan Gosling in the lead role. He must’ve been so fun to work with. What’s, like, the funniest thing that happened on set?
BRIDGET: That’s a great question, Lawanda. I guess my answer would be…
(MUSIC: RECAP MUSIC)
BRIDGET: The penny is a longtime staple of American currency that has finally reached its end. After a 232-year run, the final penny has been pressed. The Department of the Treasury hopes that by discontinuing the penny, it’ll save millions of dollars for American taxpayers. It’s been an awkward transition for merchants and consumers who still deal in cash, with the whole rounding the change up or down situation. But for others, who maybe use credit or debit cards for all their purchases…they might not even have noticed a difference. And if you ever miss seeing pennies, well, you can always visit your nearest fountain.
(END RECAP MUSIC)
RED CARPET REPORTER: That’s amaaaaazing. And Ryan, tell us, when Ryan Gosling was on set, what did he eat for breakfast? Was he, like, a breakfast burrito guy or fruit and yogurt dude?
SFX: OVERDRAMATIC RECAP MUSIC
RYAN: Great question, Lawanda. I have something to say- this way of making movies where everything is based on already-existing intellectual property is a bad way of making movies. A movie can be an adventure that takes you to places you’ve never been, makes you think original thoughts you’ve never thought, but for some reason movie studios think we just want to watch Mario, Star Wars, Marvel, Star Wars, Marvel, Mario over and over again. It’s so boring, I’m losing my mind! The next time something original comes out at the movies that’s not based on a franchise you already know, don’t be afraid to go to it, you just might like it. Ok, that’s all I have to say.
RED CARPET REPORTER: That’s amaaaaazing. Ok, the movie is about start-
(SFX: LIGHTING, ELECTRICITY ZAPS)
(SFX: BACK TO THE FUTURE-STYLE SCORE)
BRIDGET AND RYAN: GASPS AND NOISES OF SHOCK
DOC JONES: Bridget, Ryan!
BRIDGET: Doc Jones, the eccentric amateur scientist in town!? Why are you at our movie premiere? What’s that contraption you’re in?
DOC JONES: You have to come with me- into my time-traveling Coinstar machine! We need to go back into the past to stop the penny from ever being discontinued!
RYAN: Wait, Doc, you’re telling me you built a time machine out of a Coinstar!?
DOC JONES: Yes, and in it, I’ve traveled to a future where not just pennies, but quarters and dollars no longer exist! And it’s terrible! To stop this from happening, we need to go into the past and get to know the entire extended universe of currency denominations, if there’s interest,, even visit a theme park about it!
RYAN: Hold on, can you recap that again real quick? I was looking at my phone.
DOC JONES: Long story short- you’ve got to come with me!
BRIDGET: I dunno, Doc. We’re about to go watch the penny movie we wrote, plus it’s the end of our season finale, we really don’t have time for this.
DOC JONES: Then I guess this season will have to end on a cliffhanger. Climb into the Coinstar machine, there’s a lot of sci-fi action we have to get to!
BRIDGET: Ok, I guess if you say so.
RYAN: Sure, whatever. Show can’t get any crazier at this point.
(SFX: COINSTAR MACHINE FIRING UP)
BRIDGET: But Doc, if we go back in time, how can we make things different? What’s it gonna change?
DOC JONES: Change? Where we’re going, we don’t need change.
–Theme Music-
RYAN: That’s all for this episode of Million Bazillion! And this season too, thanks for listening and following and leaving us comments in the Podcast Apps - Oh yes, we see them!
BRIDGET:: We will be back with a new season soon. And that means we need new questions, so please, send us the money questions you have!!
RYAN: We want your best ideas! Send them to us at Marketplace dot org slash million.
BRIDGET: In the meantime…check us out on YouTube. Yeah, we’ve got a YouTube now.
RYAN: Quick reminder, It’s not too late to sign up for our newsletter! We’ll be back with another season soon, and our newsletter subscribers will be the first to know. Sign up at marketplace dot org slash million!
BRIDGET: Plus, when we’re in season, we send out a tipsheet for every episode that is gonna give you a bunch of fun ideas for starting money conversations with your family, plus more cool stuff to know about the episode subject. It’s worth signing up for!
RYAN: Million Bazillion is produced by Marketplace from American Public Media. I, Ryan Perez wrote and hosted this episode along with Bridget Bodnar.
BRIDGET:: This episode featured the voices of: Dan Ackerman, David Brancaccio, Maddie Brancaccio, Justin Ho, Stephanie Hughes, Drew Jostad, Kate Marriage, Meghan McCarty Carino, Jay Siebold, and Alex Simpson. Also starring Kade, Lyric, Emiliano, Rose, and Zuzu.
RYAN: Our senior producer is Marissa Cabrera. Our editor is Jasmine Romero. Our intern is I-Yun Chan.
BRIDGET: This episode was sound designed by Sam Bair
And mixed by Charlton Thorp.
Our theme music was created by Wonderly.
RYAN: Bridget Bodnar is the Director of Podcasts at Marketplace.
Joanne Griffith is the Chief Content Officer
Neal Scarbrough is the VP and General Manager.
BRIDGET: Million Bazillion is funded in part by the Sy Syms Foundation, partnering with organizations and people working for a better and more just future since 1985. And special thanks to The Ranzetta Family Charitable Fund and Next Gen Personal Finance for providing the start-up funding for this podcast.
RYAN: If Million Bazillion is helping your family have important conversations about money, consider making a one-time donation today at marketplace-dot-org-slash-givemillion, and thanks for your support.
The Ranzetta Family Charitable Fund and Next Gen Personal Finance, supports Marketplace’s work to make younger audiences smarter about the economy. Next Gen Personal Finance is a non-profit that believes all students benefit from having a financial education before they cross the stage at high school graduation.
The Sy Syms Foundation: Partnering with organizations and people working for a better and more just future since 1985.
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