Going into the weekend, all anyone could worry about was that Greece would be the next Lehman. But what would be the next Greece? European leaders, desperate to believe that their countries are different, are determined to box themselves into a safe place and lock all the doors against the maelstrom outside.

The important thing: Don’t be the next Greece. Or the next Ireland. Or the next Portugal. Or the next Spain.

The funny thing is, the attempts by different European countries to distinguish themselves only point to one thing: they’re all in this together. Hat tip to Anthony Peters at Swiss Invest for flagging this wry collection of quotes from a report by London investment bank Fairfax.

Who’s Who in Europe?

“Spain is not Greece.” Elena Salgado, Spanish Finance minister, February, 2010.

“Portugal is not Greece.” The Economist, April 2010.

“Greece is not Ireland.” George Papaconstantinou, Greek Finance minister, November, 2010.

“Spain is neither Ireland nor Portugal.” Elena Salgado, Spanish Finance minister, November 2010.

“Ireland is not in ‘Greek Territory.’” Irish Finance Minister Brian Lenihan. November 2010.

“Neither Spain nor Portugal is Ireland.” Angel Gurria, Secretary-general OECD, November, 2010.

“Italy is not Spain” – Ed Parker, Fitch MD, 12 June 2012

“Spain is not Uganda” Spanish PM Rajoy. June, 2012

“Uganda does not want to be Spain” (Ugandan foreign minister) June 13th 2012

Greece, I Am Your Father

Via anonyblogger @teacherdude on Twitter – who says he is an English schoolteacher now living in Greece – comes this amusing satire of the Eurozone statement after Greece’s election, with everyone’s favorite villain doing the speaking.