It all starts with a device that features a rod. You and your partner each have one. You move the rod with your tongue, and through the magic of the internet, that movement is copied in your partner’s rod-bearing device. Kissed by a rod! Of course, this is pretty rudimentary. From the San Francisco Chronicle: “Researchers hope to create an even more realistic kiss simulator that would not only recreate users’ tongue movement, but also would simulate their breath patterns, taste, and tongue moisture.” GROSS. I do not want to kiss a moist, flavored rod that breathes on me.