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So, who’s gonna pay for this?

Heard on:
Rachel Lee and Nicole Fresenburg in a selfie.

Rachel Lee and Nicole Fresenburg Courtesy: Rachel Lee

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When you ask Nicole Fresenburg and Rachel Lee how long they’ve been together, it’s a bit of a hot topic.

“I like to round up, ’cause I really, really wanted to be with you a lot sooner than you allowed our progression to move,” Fresenburg said during our interview.

“Never thought it would happen. I mean, that’s no shade,” Lee added. “I love white people. Uh, got a lot of white friends. I just, I had never really seriously thought about it.”

Fresenburg is white, Lee is Black. They’ve been together about three years, and during that time they’ve had to contend with a lot. Lee was the first Black partner and first woman Fresenburg brought home to her Catholic, conservative family. Plus, when they first met, Lee was still dealing with the aftermath of a divorce.

It was a slow start but, three years in, they’re happily engaged. Which is a great time to get into their first significant fight over money.

Hosted by Reema Khrais
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Here’s what happened: During a stay at the Fresenburg family home last summer, Fresenburg’s two-year-old nephew was playing outside and accidentally scratched up Lee’s car.

To Lee, it seemed obvious the family should pay to get the scratch fixed. Fresenburg, conflict averse, really didn’t want to involve them. As they hashed things out in the months that followed, both women realized the fight wasn’t really about money at all.

“I don’t even think I realized I had all of this, like, simmering about the car, but that’s why I was so upset that Nicole wasn’t upset,” Lee said. “I just don’t have nice things all the time, and so when I get them, I take care of them.”

If you like this episode, share it with a friend. And to get even more Uncomfortable, subscribe to our newsletter. Each Friday you’ll get a note from Reema and some recs from the Uncomfortable team. If you missed it, here’s the latest issue.

We’re planning to explore more money fights like this in our new season. If you want to tell us your story, what you thought about the episode, or anything else, email us at uncomfortable@marketplace.org or fill out the form below.

“This Is Uncomfortable” is Reema Khrais, Donna Tam, Hayley Hershman, Camila Kerwin, Phoebe Unterman, Marielle Segarra and Marque Greene.

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