Trick yourself into better money habits

Staying on top of your personal finances is hard enough as it is, but it can be especially challenging if you’re going through mental health issues or your brain just works a little differently. So this week, Reema Khrais talks to Ellyce Fulmore, a neurodivergent financial educator and author of “Keeping Finance Personal.” She uses her platform on social media to help people create money systems their brains will actually use.

Fulmore has ADHD, which impacts her executive functioning – planning, organization, follow through – pretty important skills when it comes to personal finances. Before she was diagnosed, she struggled to put her financial literacy into action. She knew what she was supposed to do, but it just wasn’t clicking for her. “And so when I did get that diagnosis and I started doing research into ADHD and how it affects your brain and your behaviors and all these other things, everything made sense,” Fulmore told us. “Oh, okay, this is exactly why I was struggling with these aspects of my finances, because I actually have physiological differences in my brain that explain those things.”

Khrais and producer Alice Wilder shared listener questions with Fulmore, and here’s her advice (lightly edited for clarity and length):

• Question 1: “I have ADHD and struggle with impulse spending, especially from places like Facebook Marketplace. But then I often return home with my new item and realize within hours that I didn't really need it in the first place. I'm stuck feeling guilty for having spent that money and now have to deal with reselling or donating that item. Do I just need to delete Facebook?” – Marketplace Maven

Fullmore: Regardless of how much something costs, it's the impulsivity of the action that we want to address, because that can show up in many different ways that can be detrimental to your finances, your career and your life over time. I'm someone who does like a lot of thrifting and I feel the exact same, so for those kinds of purchases, I put them in my cart while I shop, and then before I check out, I go to a quiet corner of the store and run through these questions in my head:

• Why do I want this?

• What would I use this for?

• Do I need this?

• Do I have a place for it in my house already where it could go?

• Do I have the money in my account? Let’s check my account right now.

• And will this purchase add value to my life?

That's a mindset shift but also a way to pause before you purchase.

Wilder: I keep a “thinking about buying” list on my phone, and I'll take a picture or I'll write it down, and then if I still want this in a month, I can get it. And oftentimes I'll go back and I'll be like, “Why did I want that? I’m so glad I didn’t spend that money!”

The “Uncomfortable” verdict: Okay Marketplace Maven, you don't have to delete Facebook, but you should create more friction in your purchasing process to make impulse buys a little more difficult. Before you offer to pick up an item, ask yourself where you'd put it, how you'd use it, and whether you truly need it. And remember, saying this mostly for myself, but every new thing you purchase you become responsible for: it's another thing to organize, clean or... eventually resell online.

• Question 2: “I have a lot of anxiety about not having enough money for emergencies. I’m a nurse, and I tend to work overtime when it’s available to ease my anxiety, but working that overtime makes it harder for me to take care of my mental health. It makes me tired, I spend less time with friends and sometimes miss therapy appointments. Logically, I know that I have enough money but sometimes the panic takes over. How would you navigate this?” – Working the Night Shift

Fulmore: I would suggest focusing on that money anxiety and understanding what is the root of that? Where is that coming from? And how can you begin to work through that? Because you can keep accumulating more and more money, but that anxiety isn't magically going to go away.

Khrais: Right. It feels like it's one of those things where your brain knows you're fine, but your body hasn't gotten the memo.

Fulmore: Yes, and maybe they should start by trying to find a middle ground: “Okay, I'm still gonna work overtime, but can I work a little bit less overtime and dedicate that time to doing something that I know is good for my mental health, whether that's like seeing a friend, going to a therapist.” Because sometimes it's really hard to go from all or nothing, and you're not going to heal that anxiety overnight.

The “Uncomfortable” verdict: Alright, Night Shift, you don't have to give up overtime completely but try to cut back and see how you feel. That feeling of safety you’re craving probably won’t come from another shift, but it could come from spending time with people who care about you, investing in your mental health, and getting a good night's sleep.

• Question 3: “I have bipolar disorder, and a prevalent symptom of it is impulsivity. As soon as I get paid, I burn through my check and often rack up credit card debt, too. Is there a system I can set up that would make it harder for me to impulsively spend as soon as I get paid?” – What Paycheck?

Fulmore: My absolute favorite system is my “Five Account System," which is kind of like a cash envelope system, but digital. So you have five different accounts:

1. One account for your bills

2. One account for spending

3. One account for short-term savings

4. One account for long-term savings (which is basically just investments)

5. One account that’s the “hub account,” where your paycheck gets deposited and then automatically distributed to the other accounts.

And then all you have access to is the money in the spending account, which I suggest having on a card that is separate from the rest of your banking. I call that my allowance card, which I can spend on whatever I want.

Khrais: I love this idea! There's something about the word “allowance” that really helps build more structure in my brain and reminds me I can be like my own authoritative figure.

The “Uncomfortable” verdict: What Paycheck?, don't beat yourself up about impulse spending. Shame isn't a good motivator for changed behavior. Try out Fulmore’s five accounts system and see if automation and an allowance card help you get back on your feet financially. And spend some time thinking about how you can get a dopamine hit without the help of a credit card.

• Question 4: “I have trouble holding onto jobs for different reasons. I’ll just get bored or overwhelmed or I don’t like my boss telling me what to do. I also have a hard time meeting deadlines, like I tend to procrastinate and won’t kick things into high gear until I feel like my job is actually on the line. I’ve been unemployed now for several months, and it’s causing a lot of financial stress. I want to hold onto the next job I have. How can I improve my time management?” – Restless at Work

Fulmore: This is definitely a common experience for folks that are neurodivergent: we are motivated in different ways than people who are neurotypical, so in order for us to be motivated to complete tasks, we need to have something that is exciting our brain. So it has to be novel, urgent, competitive, or challenging. I think one piece of that is understanding how you're motivated and thinking about how you could implement that into your regular work routine. Maybe you ask your boss to lie to you about the deadlines or when things need to be done, like basically working with you if you feel comfortable disclosing that you're neurodivergent.

Wilder: I have ADHD, and I'm in an executive coaching group, where we have regular co-working on Discord together during the day, and just being on screen with other people to do that co-working is a really amazing accountability tool.

Fulmore: Yeah, and look at the other areas of your life where you might have some sort of system that is working for you, whether that’s with your cleaning, grocery shopping, anything else, your workout routine – what's working about it, and how can you pull out those pieces? For me, I'm a huge visual person and so I need to have my medication out on my nightstand because if I don’t see it, I will totally forget to take my medication. So if I was in this person’s shoes, maybe I’m putting a sticky note on my monitor, like having it visual so that I’m reminded that I need to do it. So it’s really about understanding what works for your brain and then trying to use as much of that as possible to help yourself.

Khrais: My husband and I do a thing we call “15-15-15,” basically a sprint of 15-minute chunks, and so it leverages a sense of urgency in a smaller dose, which really helps.

The “Uncomfortable” verdict: Restless at Work, you're not alone in needing some extra motivation to get work done. Try using timers and co-working to add some accountability. And when you get your next gig, if you feel comfortable, talk to your supervisor and see if they can make some accommodations for you, like setting artificially tight deadlines.

• Question 5: “Something I really struggle with is having a consistent system for checking and tracking my finances. I’ve used different apps, spreadsheets, routines and I’ll get really excited about it for like a month and be on top of it and then completely forget about it and then just feel really bad about myself. How do I come up with something that I’ll actually stick to, without it always feeling like a chore?”

Fulmore: The reality is that you most likely will not find a system that is going to work for you long term. Just the nature of ADHD is chasing novelty: that system is exciting to you because you just set it up, you got a dopamine hit, you love it, you're having fun, but then somewhere along the line, it's not novel anymore. You're like, “Oh, now I'm bored of this.” When you have ADHD, your tools are going to expire, and if you're aware of that upfront, then when a system stops working for you, instead of feeling that shame spiral, you can just move onto the next one! And you have something else lined up that you can jump over to.

Khrais: I already feel lighter as you were saying that! I don't have to keep up that old system; I can just try something else.

Fulmore: Yeah, I basically have three systems set up at all times: I use my budgeting template all the time, but then I also have a notion board, and then I also use some apps as well. I'm always cycling through those, and by the time I get back to the first one, it's been enough time that it's now exciting again.

The other thing you can try is seeing if there is a way for you to introduce novelty into it again. So that might be like completely changing the color scheme, or adding some sort of reward system for doing it, so you're giving yourself a reward each time you've tracked successfully for a week or something.

Also in this episode: producer Alice Wilder talks with resale maven Katherine Sorensen about how to master clothing resale apps like Depop and Poshmark.

If you want to tell us what you thought about the episode or anything else, email us at uncomfortable@marketplace.org, leave a message at 347-RING-TIU, or fill out the form below.