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‘Crazy Ex Girlfriend’ star Rachel Bloom takes the Marketplace Quiz

The advice Rachel Bloom wishes she received? Assume that you'll go broke. Smallz & Raskind/The CW

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Fill in the blank: Money can’t buy you happiness but it can buy you  ________

Money can buy you not being terrified of how you’re going to pay your rent or feed your family or do the basic things in life. It can give you those kind of most basic securities.

In a next life, what would your career be?

I think I’d want to be either a teacher, or, I really do like science — the medical stuff. So I think, like, some sort of doctor or a scientist.

Do you have a specific field or any medical specialties?

 I like cutting things open. I feel like a neuroscientist is really interesting to me. [I’m] also very interested with the chemicals of mental illness. So I think a psychiatrist or something, something with neurology or neuroscience. Or, also working at SETI to look for aliens.

Either-or, [they’re] equally as important.


What is the hardest part about your job that nobody knows?

The hardest part about my job that nobody knows is that I need to keep my energy up constantly, and I have very little time alone to just sit and be quiet. So, even though I am a bubbly extrovert, when I’m getting hair and makeup done, or if I’m in the car, I often just like complete silence because it’s the only time that I get silence because my days are filled. I’m just never alone.

Do you have to tell people around you to be quiet?

No, they get it and, like, I also have the excuse of I meditate, so even if it’s really just me falling asleep, I’ll be, like, I’m going to meditate. 

What is something you bought that you completely regret buying?

I bought an attachment for my shower faucet to wash my dog and it just really didn’t work. It really didn’t work. I knew that I would have to und0 the faucet to make it work. It was a whole thing, like, “Why did I buy this?”  I’m sure there’s a better version I can buy. Even when I attached it, it still didn’t work.

Did you get your money back?

I didn’t. I think I just threw it away. I think it sat in the bathroom for, like, a year and a half and we were, like, “Who are we kidding? We’re not going to use this.”

And your dog has just remained unwashed since…

She’s remained very, very dirty since. Yeah, exactly.

When did you realize this field of work could be a career?

Well, I’ve been wanting to go into entertainment ever since I was 3 years old. But, I think when I got my first TV writing job and was getting a steady, weekly paycheck, that was when I was like, OK, I think maybe I maybe I don’t have to wait tables anymore. Maybe. Although there was a period of time where my boyfriend, who’s now my husband, spotted me cash because I was spending all my money on making those Internet music videos. But I probably would have gone back to waiting tables had it not been for the graciousness of my boyfriend.

What advice do you wish someone had given you before you started your career?

I guess monetarily, just assume you’re going to go broke. Save your money like you’re going to go broke. Don’t think that whatever you’re making is going to last forever, because in show business, it isn’t. Especially when you’re working from job to job. Then [also] whatever problems you have before you are stressed out with heavy career stuff. They will only be exacerbated in either success or failure. Like intense success or intense failure, just in intensity. So deal with your issues sooner rather than later.

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