Oprah and Starbucks CEO Howard Schulz announcing their partnership.
Oprah and Starbucks CEO Howard Schulz announcing their partnership. - 

Starbucks and Oprah are teaming up to make tea.

This would appear to be the corporate version of those comic books where The Penguin teams up with The Joker, Two-Face and The Riddler, and it just doesn't seem fair to the people of Gotham (until Batman shows up, of course... but until that moment, NOT COOL). We've got evil hench-penguins, very flexible, knife wielding circus ladies, and very difficult trivia questions. Before you know it, the entire subway has shut down and no one can get to work.

For a caffeine addicted female like myself, not only am I certainly in the "target audience," I probably won't be able to *not* buy this tea. Together, Oprah and Starbucks will probably activate a long-dormant chip in my brain, and, (again) before you know it, I'll be building fortresses out of boxes of this tea. And talking enthusiastically about it to all of my friends. And "liking" it on Facebook unironically.

"Teavana Oprah Chai" was personally developed by Oprah. It is said to feature strong notes of cinnamon, ginger, and cardamom with a hint of clove.

This already makes me want to start crying and talking about my feelings at what was supposed to be a book club meeting, until everyone had one too many of the signature Love In the Time of Cholera cocktails I made in an attempt to one-up last month's annoyingly perfect "Middlesex homemade sushi" event, and the conversation devolved into how difficult it is to find love when nobody has cholera, and how maybe it would be easier if everyone had cholera, because that might really put things into perspective and how long should you wait to reply to a kind of meh text some guy sent after a date without seeming like the kind of girl who only demands meh texts, but also not seeming unavailable or, worse, like you're playing games, which, of course, you are, but everyone plays games and so you, genuine game-hater that you are, really have no choice.

Does anyone else feel like tea?

Tragically, no Teavana for us until April 29th.


The Making of Teavana Oprah Chai


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Follow Stacey Vanek Smith at @svaneksmith