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Comic holiday relief: Be nice about your gifts

Marc Maron Dec 20, 2011

Kai Ryssdal: And now a little Marketplace holiday cheer. Think of it as our gift to you. Over the next couple of days we’re going to hear from writers and comedians about the holidays. People who use this time of year to come up with good material. Or better yet, spread joy with their words.

Up first, comedian Marc Maron.

Marc Maron: The holidays have always been sort of a mildly depressing time, because I wasn’t brought up with that much holiday cheer. My family always was more the type of family that would be saying things like, “You don’t need a gift, do you? We don’t need to get presents. We love each other. Right?”

I think that people like to buy things and I think that people like to receive gifts. I do. And I like to give gifts. So I’ve become wary of it because there’s always the problem of buying the wrong gift. I have a girlfriend now. I don’t know what I’m going to get her, but I’ve got to get her something. Then there’s that fear that you’re going to get her the wrong thing and she’s going to pretend like she likes it, and then that causes problems that ultimately leads to divorce. Maybe I’m, again, looking too far into the future because we’re not even married.

But I think that people enjoy buying things, clearly, since our economy is driven by it. So it makes sense that the economy is getting a bump. It may not be on real money. It just shows me that there are still a few people in this country that can still get credit.

I’d like a new car — I mean, not an extravagant car. But I think that’s asking for too much. I like knitted hats. I like vinyl records. If anyone’s out there a fan, or likes me just from listening to me right now — maybe I should make a gift list at Amazon for people.

I’m going to try to do my best to help the economy by buying a lot of presents. I’ll buy several presents for one person in the hopes that one of them is really the right present.

Do not give presents and then get mad at the person if they don’t respond properly because that will just add to the problems in this country. Try to be as selfless as possible when you’re giving. And when you get something, pretend like you like it, but make sure you know where it came from so you can go get what you really want. But be nice. Be nice.

Ryssdal: Marc Maron is the host of the podcast WTF. Send us your stories.

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