TEXT OF STORY
Scott Jagow: In honor of political ad season, we’ve pulled an oldie but a goodie from our spoof collection. So without further adieu, here are the Marketplace Players:
NICE LADY: I’m a Mom, and I’m voting “yes” on Prop. 111. Prop. 111 provides free candy for every child in our state.
KID: I heart candy!
NICE LADY: And the candy won’t hurt their teeth, because Prop. 111 will fund the development of a high-tech polymer that protects kids’ teeth from decay. The polymer also makes kids 200 percent smarter and wealthier, and it makes them hate illegal drugs. And Prop. 111 does all this without raising taxes, by floating a series of magic astrological wizard bonds that incur zero debt while generating billions of dollars in revenue. If you believe in unicorns, vote yes on Prop. 111.
FAST MALE VOICE: Paid for by Citizens for Realism in Voting.
SCARY VOICE: Supporters of Prop. 111 say it gives candy to children. But thanks to special-interest loopholes, Prop. 111 will actually seal children in wooden barrels and roll them off the tops of skyscrapers.
KID: Help meeeeeeeeeeee!
SCARY VOICE: The plummeting child-stuffed barrels will destroy our roads — 10 percent of state revenue will go towards repaving the streets and burying the dead. And Prop. 111 has provisions for 900 new taxes, including one on the air you breathe. Prop. 111 was crafted in a cave full of vampire bats by demons with wings of fire. It hates you. If you are a human being, vote NO on 111.
FAST MALE VOICE: Paid for by Voters United Against Fearmongering.
Jagow: The Marketplace Players, led by Rico Gagliano, Stacey Vanek-Smith, and Michelle Philippe.
As a nonprofit news organization, our future depends on listeners like you who believe in the power of public service journalism.
Your investment in Marketplace helps us remain paywall-free and ensures everyone has access to trustworthy, unbiased news and information, regardless of their ability to pay.
Donate today — in any amount — to become a Marketplace Investor. Now more than ever, your commitment makes a difference.
Cheers to trustworthy journalism!
Give just $7/mo to get your KaiPA glass.