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KAI RYSSDAL: Atlanta’s traffic nightmare is apparently Random House’s dream come true. The publisher has targeted Atlanta commuters for a new ad campaign. It urges them to while away their drive time with audio books. It’s working. Atlanta audiobook sales are up 11 percent over last year. Of course, when Atlantans listen to audio books they can’t listen to public radio shows. And so the Marketplace Players bring you this public service announcement.
ANNOUNCER: Audio books . . . KILL.
WOMAN: I thought I’d spend my commute listening to Harry Potter on CD. Then I got to chapter 34.
VOLDEMORT: Harry! Obedience is a virtue I need to teach you before you die; perhaps another little dose of pain.
WOMAN: Voldemort’s voice was in my car. I didn’t want it in my car! I took my hands off the wheel to cover my ears.
WOMAN: Why didn’t I listen to Marketplace?
ANNOUNCER: Every year, like 20,000 people or something are injured in audio book-related catastrophes. And 100 percent of all audio book listeners eventually die.
WOMAN: I survived the crash. The audiobook didn’t. Thank God.
ANNOUNCER: Burn your audio books. Before they burn you.
RYSSDAL: Rico Gagliano writes and performs for the Marketplace Players. He had help today from Michelle Philippe.