Free candy in every pot

Rico Gagliano Nov 6, 2006

KAI RYSSDAL: If you live in a congressional district that’s a toss-up, or if you’re in a state with controversial propositions on the ballot, you’re probably happier than most that tomorrow’s Election Day. The campaign phone calls will stop. The TV and radio ads too.

Even without being bombarded with ads for and against a certain ballot measure, political ads can be confusing. And maybe just a little bit excessive in their description what any given initiative e will do. But if you think the real ones are extreme. Wait ’til you hear the Marketplace Players’ take on ’em.

NICE LADY: I’m a Mom, and I’m voting “yes” on Prop. 111. Prop. 111 provides free candy for every child in our state.

KID: I heart candy!

NICE LADY: And the candy won’t hurt their teeth, because Prop. 111 will fund the development of a high-tech polymer that protects kids’ teeth from decay. The polymer also makes kids 200 percent smarter and wealthier, and it makes them hate illegal drugs. And Prop. 111 does all this without raising taxes, by floating a series of magic astrological wizard bonds that incur zero debt while generating billions of dollars in revenue. If you believe in unicorns, vote yes on Prop. 111.

FAST MALE VOICE: Paid for by Citizens for Realism in Voting.

SCARY VOICE: Supporters of Prop. 111 say it gives candy to children. But thanks to special-interest loopholes, Prop. 111 will actually seal children in wooden barrels and roll them off the tops of skyscrapers.

KID: Help meeeeeeeeeeee!

SCARY VOICE: The plummeting child-stuffed barrels will destroy our roads — 10 percent of state revenue will go towards repaving the streets and burying the dead. And Prop. 111 has provisions for 900 new taxes, including one on the air you breathe. Prop. 111 was crafted in a cave full of vampire bats by demons with wings of fire. It hates you. If you are a human being, vote NO on 111.

FAST MALE VOICE: Paid for by Voters United Against Fearmongering.

KAI RYSSDAL: Rico Gagliano wrote our ads. He produced them along with Stacey Vanek-Smith, Michelle Philippe and Brendan Newnam.

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