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Financial honesty crucial for couples
Jeff Opdyke, Wall Street Journal reporter and author of "Financially Ever After."
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About the author
Tess Vigeland is the host of Marketplace Money, where she takes a deep dive into why we do what we do with our money. Follow Tess on Twitter @radiotess
I know of a married couple who have a joint checking account. The husband is always spending beyond their means. He usually calls my friend (his brother) in a panic to borrow enough money to prevent the account from being overdrawn before pay day. He hides all of this from his wife.
I like the idea of a married couple having 3 accounts. My parents have had separate accounts for 47 years and it has worked well for them.
I just heard the interview on the radio where Jeff suggested that couples merge their bank accounts, and unlike Wayne above I totally agree with Jeff. Keeping separate bank accounts is just one more way of saying that you don't think your relationship is going to work out. Too many couples are already like individuals who happen to live in the same house, let's not add to it! My husband and I share an account, because it's OUR money, not his and mine. We both get finances okay, but neither of us are financial superstars. However, talking through how to spend our money is one thing that strengthens our bond as a couple, and it helps us work on communication skills(and anger management!) Thanks Jeff.
Jeff, I just heard this story today (Sunday) and your comment that couples should merge their bank accounts when they get married,... TOTALLY WRONG!
Ok, maybe you have the perfect marriage and you married a woman who knows how to manage her money. That isn't the case with most couples I know. It's either the guy or the woman who doesn't get it. It's rare when both get it. My ex-wife didn't get it and would spend, spend, spend when ever she could. She also would take large sums of money out of the account and I wouldn't know where it went. I'd ask over and over. I started funding a seperate account and helped when we split because she left with half of MY money in that account. She had lost her job the year before and had not saved a dime. She thought she was welcome to my money. You have to stop giving out that kind of silly advice. I don't think I'll be reading your book if you bad advice like that!
I religiously read Jeff's article every week in the Wall Street Journal Weekend Edition and frequently discussed it with my wife and family.
My wife and I enjoyed discussing our retirement future before we were married. Thinking about what life would be like after 35 years of happy marriage struck us as very romantic at the time.
We are very similar people who came from families that handled money very differently. My family has a strong interest in finance and how people spend their money. All children in my family get a thorough education in how the financial system does and does not work you.
Her family is virtually the opposite with money and family finances are almost a taboo subject unless you're discussing a promotion or changing jobs for more money.
This led to quite a few stresses in our early marriage, particularly because I was laid off the day after we moved into our first house and our first child was on the way.
To make matters worse the child was born with minor complications that our insurance plan didn't cover, I didn't find full-time permanent work for over eight months, and it took us five years to erase the credit card debt that resulted from the experience.
You never truly understand Einstein's comment that compound interest is the most powerful force in the universe until you're being crushed by it month after month.
We didn't have screaming arguments about money but we did try just about every money-management scheme I could find. Some worked better than others and most didn't work very well because they all assumed that you had enough income to meet your expenses.
We finally got out of credit card debt when we got hit by another stroke of bad luck hit, our car was totaled by a hail storm. Although the vehicle had hundreds of dimples it was still drivable (after replacing the windshields) and we used the insurance company settlement to erase our credit card debt.
This turned everything around. Instead of budgeting based on hopes that never seemed to quite work out, we were finally able to start controlling our money rather than letting it control us.
We're in very good shape today but only because of the lessons we learned in our first five years of marriage.
