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Economy gives some dads a bad rap
Shadows of mother with children.
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Stacey Vanek-Smith: It seems like the recession and the unemployment rate are hitting every aspect of life these days. Divorce is no exception. As more parents feel a loss of income, many are asking family courts to adjust child support payments. The bad economy is also pushing some parents into payment delinquency, contributing to the problem of deadbeat dads.
From Boston, Monica Brady-Myerov reports.
Monica Brady-Myerov: When someone loses a job, the bills don't stop coming. Mortgage, car payments, health insurance and for some, child support. But Ned Holstein, president of Fathers and Families, a group that presents dads, says there's a big difference.
Ned Holstein: Everybody is struggling. But someone who has a child support order is the only person who's going to be put in jail, because they can't pay their debts.
That's why more parents who've lost their jobs are asking the courts to lower their child support payments. That's what's happening to Jim Feeney. He's a divorced father of four who lives on Cape Cod. Before he lost his job in January, he made about $85,000 a year. He's required to may $3,200 a month in child support and alimony. When he was laid off, he immediately asked the court if he could pay less.
Jim Feeney: First, I filed for unemployment, I filed for welfare, food stamps, because I had no income. I had no savings.
Feeney spoke about his case at a restaurant after his hearing, which he had to wait two and a half months for. The judge denied his request to lower his payments and after six months after not meeting them, Feeney was put in jail. After two days behind bars, he paid a $5,000 fine and was released. But his stint in jail didn't lower his child support obligations and the fines he's racking up because he's not paying.
Feeney: There's penalties to the state, there's penalties that go to my ex-wife, there's interest to the state, there's interest that goes to my ex-wife.
Feeney's former wife refused to comment for this story. But another ex-wife of another man who just lost his job does have something to say. She's Julie Baker, she's the primary care giver to two children, ages five and nine. Her ex was recently laid off.
Julie Baker: The first thing he said was, "I'll try to keep up the child support."
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Baker said her former husband has been a supportive dad who's always paid on time. But if the tables were turned:
Baker: If I lost my job, I can't say to the kids, "You know what? You can't have lunch today. You know what? I'm sorry that your shoes are too small."
And more out-of-work parents want to change their child support agreements. But just asking the court to lower your payments, because you lost your job, isn't always enough.
Divorce attorney B.J. Krintzman says the courts are slow moving.
B.J. Krintzman: They're not going to get very far if they go in that week and say, "I lost my job, so I can no longer pay." Usually there has to be some kind of period of time that's gone by, so the obligor has to show attempts to get a job.
Some judges are sympathetic and lower payments right away, because they know it's unlikely someone will get a new job quickly. But typically it takes six months for a judge to make a decision.
Holstein: And during those couple of months, you can be going broke in a hurry.
Ned Holstein of Fathers and Families.
Holstein: Then when you get the hearing, typically, the family court judges will not give you relief at the first hearing. They say, "Well, how do we know this is going to be long standing? You might get a job next week. Also, you've got some assets, you can pay it out of your assets. And so, I'll see you again in three more months."
But it's putting fathers who mean well and love their kids in jail, because they can't pay.
Krintzman: And this is not daddy jail; this is real jail.
But divorce attorney B.J. Krintzman says what ends up happening is dads borrow money from family and friends.
Krintzman: Usually it is very rare that someone stays in jail for 30 days. So they do find ways to find the money and pay up the back child support and get themselves out of jail.
And when they do get out of jail, they'll owe even more, because child support obligations don't stop while someone is behind bars.
In Boston, I'm Monica Brady-Myerov for Marketplace Money.
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TO: Basil Phanara
Thanks for your words and support. I really wish there were enough people out there willing to make a stand against an unjust system. These father's right's groups seem to make an occasional argument, but I have yet to know of any large protests that garner media attention. I think one or two things will have to happen to bring this corruption to the forefront; a large protest similar to gay and civil rights, or some crazy nut expressing himself at a Child Support Enforcement Agency like Tim McVeigh did in Oklahoma City. Personally, I don't condone such violence; but I would understand it!
TO: David Abildgaard,
Bravo David. Well stated! Your comments nailed the character of the current Family Court System, completely. It is nice to know that I as a Single Father and Non-Custodial parent am not alone. I am honored to have my name listed next to yours on this article.
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To: Jeanne Carter,
We await your intelligent rebuttal…
-- Basil Phanara
To: Jeanne Carter,
How many custodial parents have their credit ruined, lose their license, or go to jail when they are unable to provide support? The answer is obvious! NONE, NADA, ZIP, or ZELCH! They get government assistance instead and many of the state agencies go after the father to pay them back. Nothing like getting paid to babysit your own kids. Can't handle the hassles of raising a child and feel like the other person should aways come through? Try giving up custody and put the shoes on the other foot. I'm sure you would love to be locked into a system until all debt is paid. God forbid some of you money grabbing custodial parents have to lose that extra revenue and have to pay for a change. Most men would rather take care of their children than continue to pay for the ex's additional expenses. By the way, should child support be used to pay all the rent, utilities, insurances, food and clothes for everyone in the house? If so, what portion should you or other custodial parents be paying? Understand, many parents don't get enough to cover the child's expenses, but there are some who get more than they should. Explain where that money goes!
Overall, I think people are getting wise to the corruption that goes on in the child support enforcement arena. Basically, a bunch of legal experts worked together to form a "Cash Cow" for the state(s) legal systems.
By passing strict child support enforcement laws, they have guaranteed themselves federal funding. As taxpayers and non-custodial parents, we take it on both ends. On one hand, money goes to the custodial parent while tax dollars go to pay those who make sure the money is deducted. And, we would all be hard-pressed to find attorneys who will go up against the very system that feeds them.
The third element to this situation is called welfare. As many of you should know, the main reason for passing these laws was to reduce the amount welfare claims by forcing fathers to pay. Even so, all they really did was shift federal dollars from welfare to the legal system. Because welfare is still a viable option for needy families, our tax dollars continue to feed that system as well.
As a responsible parent, I accept the obligation to help support my child. However, I will never accept the manner in which the state(s) intervene. Unfortunately, we never see much attention on the sides of non-custodial parents unless they are coined “Deadbeatsâ€. My suspicion leads me to believe that a media outlet with a legal team assigned will block any negative publicity that puts each state in the lime light.
Many of non-custodial parents (me included) believe there should be some accountability on the part of the other parent when it comes to expensing child support payments. I’ll be the first to tell you that my ex spends a small portion of child support on my daughter, while buying all types of luxury items for herself and her companion. While in court last January, the Asst Attorney General from Texas went so far as calling me a “sad†person for not voluntarily increasing the amount I was paying. When I asked my ex to explain how she was going to use $1,700 a month in the interests of my daughter, the Asst AG looked at me in replied harshly “she don’t have tooâ€.
The real reason there’s no mechanism in place for monitoring how child support is spent hinges on money. In realty, the state agencies couldn’t care less about the child’s best interest because their focus lies with the amount of federal funding that flows through the system. By adding a monitoring section, additional resources would require them to use up more of the budget. By doing so, pay raises and other operating expenses would be affected. Once again, that suggestion doesn’t serve the agency(s) best interest.
In all actuality, many of the agencies could be shut down or even reduced. Now that the system is nationally automated, those who move from job to job are placed in a database that forces employers to deduct child support from their paychecks. As a matter of experience, I have changed companies five times due to contract work. No matter where I go, it only takes 1-2 pay period s before deductions are made. And, I never had to take any action at all to get it started.
In the state of Texas, I can prove they have lied to me and take more money than the required guidelines. When I found out they overstated my annual income by $8000, I was told it was too late to correct the mistake because the judge signed the order. Even though I knew the amount was wrong, I couldn’t prove it because they refused to show me how the calculation was made. In fact, they relied to my request in writing that it wasn’t in the “state’s best interest†to provide me with such information. Come to find out, they calculated my pay based on 26 pay periods in a year, when I only have 24. Of course, I could never find an attorney to fight the system and get it corrected. And, I could only employ an attorney from that local small town area. Needless to say, they are all colleagues and will not make the fight against each other for the sake of a non-custodial parent.
What the state of Texas did was create the biggest wedge between me and my child. One that will probably never be completely mended because of the hostilities between the other parent and I. Before the state got involved, the relationship between my ex and I was amicable. Now that I was put in a financial strain and forced into bankruptcy, I absolutely refuse to speak to her ever again; no matter what the issue is. In fact, I despise her more than the time she had an abortion from another man while married to me.
This whole situation comes down to responsibility and accountability. As non-custodial parents, we are held to a higher level. If we don’t pay, we face losing our license, ruining credit, and even going to jail. All the custodial parent has to do it make sure there’s food, clothes, and shelter. Of course, many of them will claim it’s difficult to care for a child with all the daily routine. My answer to them would be “give the other parent custody thenâ€. Of course, they start singing a different tune when they see the potential of losing child support or having to pay it themselves.
What about those women who go out and have affairs and get pregnant? Unbeknownst to the husband, he may be supporting children that are not actually his. Yes, it has happened and many men are paying for a woman’s wrong doing. No accountability on their part at all. And, what if the other parent is nowhere to be found? You don’t see the custodial parent being threaten with jail time for not providing support for their kids. That’s where the welfare system benefits them too.
The fact of the matter is that this entire system had good intentions (on the surface), but it has become the most corrupt entity across the United States. And, because we are talking about the entire legal system, politicians who were former attorneys are unlikely to make change. Consider this; John Cornyn is a Texas Senator who used to be the Texas Attorney General. As such, he was responsible for the entire Child Support Division. Don’t think for a minute that he will try and disrupt the very system that helped get him elected.
I would further like to add that my Ex-Wife has a Bachelors degree in child psychology that she got while we were married. To get that degree she asked me to forgo pursuing my college for my degree in computer science until she graduated. We were divorced shortly after she graduated, imagine that. She is now employed at a bank making over $30,000 annually along with almost $10,000 TAX FREE from me for child support. So how can she be falling behind? Because she is irresponsible in her spending habits and she knows it and will not bother trying to change that. One evening we had a financial counselor come to help us try to create a budget. I was left "alone" with the counselor while she went to "Google" information about Avon. The counselor and I had a pretty good plan in place except that there was a shortage of about $200.00 in the budget. As I and the budget counselor tried to eliminate the shortage, she came in and said "Just cut out the tithe, we don't need to give away that much money anyway". Wow talk about a cold heart! No too many custodial parents are being given a free ride and all they have to do is accuse the other parent (without proof) of being a danger to their child. Then when you finally prove your innocence in court it is already too late for you to gain primary custody of your child because of the length of time the child has been with the other parent. This was the Judges own view in my case and I am sure it has been the same for many other Judges. It�s time to fight back and regain our rights to be loving parents and not merely visitors and meal tickets! Kids Need Dads, Not Visitors...
I am a Father who pays child support and I do not mind doing so if it serves my Daughter's best interest. I have to say that I agree with Mark Stevens that child support is supposed to be a Reimbursement for child relates costs and that a RESPONSIBLE custodial parent WOULD NEVER plan to be solely dependant as a form of income. As to the subject of child support, not spousal support, being considered a reimbursement to the custodial parent, I further charge that there needs to be accountability on the part of the custodial parent. As it stands now, the custodial parent is not required to show any proof that the money they receive is actually being spent in the best interest of the child. Why are there no checks and balances on this money? If the government is going to police the non-custodial parent and force a garnishment of their wages, then why are they not policing the custodial parent to ensure they are diligent and responsible with the money they receive for child support? The government is supposedly working to protect "The Best Interests of the Child" so why do they not extend their dedication to that end and require the custodial parent to account for the actual expenses related to the care of the child? It isn't that hard for a custodial parent to practice responsible accounting of the money they spend to care for their child whom they proclaim they love so much more than the child's other parent. If they do in fact love that child they should be willing to be responsible parents. The custodial parent should be required to keep an accurate ledger of the expenses they face in the care of the child, especially in these bleak times with unemployment at an all time high.
My Ex-Wife wears brand new clothes every day and yet she complained to me that she is somehow magically $300 dollars behind on our daughter's private school tuition. Hmm maybe if she could forgo shopping at all those over-price clothing outlets, she might just be able to avoid getting behind on those payments. Where is the responsible accounting there? How does it server the best interest of your child to shop at over-priced outlets? I do happen to know what she buys and that those outlets are truly over-priced because she used to cause an average of $150 to $240 of overdrafts each month in our bank account doing so when we were married and then yelled at me for not being able to pay the bills.
I believe that if the custodial parent were required to account for the way they spend the money they receive for child support that the states would soon realize how imbalanced their formula for determining child support really is. I believe they would also be forced to lower that requirement. But the states don't really want to do that, not when they are receiving such large incentives from federal funding to collect as much as they possibly can. Just Google "A-Quick-Summary-of-Title-IVD-Funding-and-Incentives" and "Act-IV-Funding-Government Run Child Marketing Scam" and you will see what I mean. In Pennsylvania the current incentive is a reward of $3.75 for every $1.00 the state brings in through child support orders! This is to cover the Administrative Expenses of enforcing child support orders. Folks this amounts to billions of our federal tax dollars being diverted to the state’s coffers that could be spent elsewhere to reduce the national deficit! And as the state increase what they bring in via enforcement of child support so do they increase that federal reward! Child support is a joke in its current state! The states don't care about the best interest of the child except that it has become a very powerful money making tool.
I further agree that jail should never be an issue for family related civil debt.
As for Jeanne Carter, I really feel sorry for you. It is very apparent that you are either disillusioned or misinformed. I understand that you may think you are right but you really just do not have a grasp on the true state of affairs when it comes to divorce and child support.
I am disheartened to see yet another article about the financial problems of men who father children. The most important point has already been made. A child needs the support of both parents. Custodians lose their jobs too, the children's needs do not change. Custodians are too busy doing what is necessary to support their children to join and organize groups to whine and lobby for legislation that makes it easier for children to go without support. The children come first! Spend time and resources on that!
As a father who has paid child support for more than 10 years I can see both sides of this story. My ex-wife is the custodial parent and I was given every other weekend and a week in the summer. Eventually my ex began making plans for my weekends that the kids couldn't resist. So as time went on I had even less time with my girls. Yet I have always paid my child support. Then a year ago I went in the hospital and wasn't expected to live. She wouldn't even have the heart to bring the girls to see me for what could have been the last time I ever got to see them. In 10 years my ex has claimed she doesn't work and so the entire support was on my shoulders. Yet if I didn't have a job I would have still had to pay the amount originally ordered. During that 10 years her boyfriend from during our marriage has moved in with her, she has managed to go to college and attain a bachelors degree and now works full time as a teacher. Now, the financial situation we were in when we divorced was that the house payment was only $550 per month and there was no car payment. The late model vehicle I left her with was paid off. So, her $550 mortgage, auto insurances, electricity etc. was actually less than $850 per month. Yet I was ordered to pay more per month than her monthly expenses less groceries, plus insurance for the children. In addition I was stuck with all other debt - credit cards that were around $15,000. I have no problem paying child support for my children, they are my children and I love them dearly. However there does need to be some fairness in all this. I have pretty much been in perpetual financial ruin for the last 10 years while she gets herself an education and doesn't make an income - or claims not to. What would happen if I didn't have a job during that time period? I would have been rotting in jail while my bills and child support debt continued to add up. Now, because of the financial state of this country I am not making enough to cover my own living expenses and may soon lose the roof over my head while my ex continues to collect more money than she needs to make her monthly living expenses. I realize there are many fathers out there who simply don't want to pay child support and think they shouldn't have an obligation. I HAVE an obligation to my children, but I need to live somehow as well.
My son and ex have a true shared custody agreement. There is no residential parent. They have equal time with the children. He pays support to her. Before the divorce she was willing to give him the children. That is until she found out money was attached to them. So she fought him for full custody. He had to go into to debt big time to get shared custody. He was the main caregiver at the time but no one cared about that. He's a good dad and the kids cried for months having to go back to mom. Again no one cared. He has been 4 years trying to pay down debt from divorce. Just started to make some progress and now is laided off. So now he will be trying to pay child support from unemployment. He won't even bother to try and get it reduced becuase he knows it won't happen. Our family has helped him finacially though the divorce so that he could kept his apt. for the children since he also raises them. It has put a major burden on us. Now we are having finance problems and can't help him. So I wonder what the future will hold now. Dads are looked at a bank roll and not much else. I have seen this first hand. No one cares how he will support the kids when he has them. Only how she will support them. She does not provide anything to his home. But he is supposed to provide to hers. I didn't see the courts looking at the best interest of the children only the best interest of the mother. My son was even told by a mediator when he refused anything but shared custody that most men only want shared custody to get out of child support. I found that insulting. Why do people feel that dad should not want his kids because their mom decided to leave. They were there raising these children also. Just feel there are two sides to every story and that both sides should be considered. People should try to look at both realities, Not just from the mom's side.
Hey, Billy Jackson, here's a thought: don't get into a sexual relationship with such a "horrible" woman next time. Take some responsibility for your own choices, for once. (Also, remedial writing: look into it. Might improve your earning power somewhat.)
One thing I cannot stand is when people complain bitterly about their horrible ex-whatever. Nobody forces you to marry or have a sexual relationship with a "money-grubbing witch" or a "loser over-aged frat boy." And few people hide their true natures so successfully that you are truly blindsided when that person turns out to be less than honorable. (And if you're that easily fooled, then you're not competent enough to be having adult relationships in the first place.) No, too often, people tend to either overlook a lack of character for sake of a killer body or just for the chance of getting laid, or they have the mistaken notion that marriage and parenthood will make a loser partner miraculously grow up. For heaven's sake, the best thing you can do for your children is to choose their other parent with care. If you have a horrible ex, you have no one but yourself to blame for rushing into a sexual relationship with someone you didn't truly know well enough to judge their parental fitness accurately.
Even the most reliable forms of birth control can have a slight failure rate. So try thinking with the upstairs brain next time, and make better choices when deciding to have an intimate relationship or marital commitment with someone.
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