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Economy gives some dads a bad rap
Shadows of mother with children.
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Stacey Vanek-Smith: It seems like the recession and the unemployment rate are hitting every aspect of life these days. Divorce is no exception. As more parents feel a loss of income, many are asking family courts to adjust child support payments. The bad economy is also pushing some parents into payment delinquency, contributing to the problem of deadbeat dads.
From Boston, Monica Brady-Myerov reports.
Monica Brady-Myerov: When someone loses a job, the bills don't stop coming. Mortgage, car payments, health insurance and for some, child support. But Ned Holstein, president of Fathers and Families, a group that presents dads, says there's a big difference.
Ned Holstein: Everybody is struggling. But someone who has a child support order is the only person who's going to be put in jail, because they can't pay their debts.
That's why more parents who've lost their jobs are asking the courts to lower their child support payments. That's what's happening to Jim Feeney. He's a divorced father of four who lives on Cape Cod. Before he lost his job in January, he made about $85,000 a year. He's required to may $3,200 a month in child support and alimony. When he was laid off, he immediately asked the court if he could pay less.
Jim Feeney: First, I filed for unemployment, I filed for welfare, food stamps, because I had no income. I had no savings.
Feeney spoke about his case at a restaurant after his hearing, which he had to wait two and a half months for. The judge denied his request to lower his payments and after six months after not meeting them, Feeney was put in jail. After two days behind bars, he paid a $5,000 fine and was released. But his stint in jail didn't lower his child support obligations and the fines he's racking up because he's not paying.
Feeney: There's penalties to the state, there's penalties that go to my ex-wife, there's interest to the state, there's interest that goes to my ex-wife.
Feeney's former wife refused to comment for this story. But another ex-wife of another man who just lost his job does have something to say. She's Julie Baker, she's the primary care giver to two children, ages five and nine. Her ex was recently laid off.
Julie Baker: The first thing he said was, "I'll try to keep up the child support."
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Baker said her former husband has been a supportive dad who's always paid on time. But if the tables were turned:
Baker: If I lost my job, I can't say to the kids, "You know what? You can't have lunch today. You know what? I'm sorry that your shoes are too small."
And more out-of-work parents want to change their child support agreements. But just asking the court to lower your payments, because you lost your job, isn't always enough.
Divorce attorney B.J. Krintzman says the courts are slow moving.
B.J. Krintzman: They're not going to get very far if they go in that week and say, "I lost my job, so I can no longer pay." Usually there has to be some kind of period of time that's gone by, so the obligor has to show attempts to get a job.
Some judges are sympathetic and lower payments right away, because they know it's unlikely someone will get a new job quickly. But typically it takes six months for a judge to make a decision.
Holstein: And during those couple of months, you can be going broke in a hurry.
Ned Holstein of Fathers and Families.
Holstein: Then when you get the hearing, typically, the family court judges will not give you relief at the first hearing. They say, "Well, how do we know this is going to be long standing? You might get a job next week. Also, you've got some assets, you can pay it out of your assets. And so, I'll see you again in three more months."
But it's putting fathers who mean well and love their kids in jail, because they can't pay.
Krintzman: And this is not daddy jail; this is real jail.
But divorce attorney B.J. Krintzman says what ends up happening is dads borrow money from family and friends.
Krintzman: Usually it is very rare that someone stays in jail for 30 days. So they do find ways to find the money and pay up the back child support and get themselves out of jail.
And when they do get out of jail, they'll owe even more, because child support obligations don't stop while someone is behind bars.
In Boston, I'm Monica Brady-Myerov for Marketplace Money.
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I, A non-custodial father of 2, Is in arrears in excess of $10.000.00... NOT because I am a deadbeat dad and NOT because I lost my job but simply because I failed to heed the many warnings of paying my children's mother directly instead of through a properly proposed court order.
I have always been against the notion of implementing any government/court system unless it was absolutely necessary. My father and mother divorced when I was 13 and as a result, My father became a non-custodial parent who continued to provide child support for myself and my younger brother...Never missing a payment from the initial time the order was granted all the way through till both my brother and I became emancipated.
I was a young 22 yrs old when my ex-girlfriend and I had our first child. 11 months and 2 weeks later, Our second child was born. Shortly after, We split up and I eventually moved out of state but continued to send support through Western Union. MISTAKE #1
After years of this arrangement, She suddenly decides to tell me that the amount I was sending weekly was not enough for HER to survive...Yes I said "HER TO SURVIVE". After a short while of bYtching from her, She decides to go gung-ho and file a petition for child support which of course, She won as I neglected to save all receipts and other proofs of the support I had been sending. MISTAKE #2
A support order was drawn up and I started having the payments automatically deducted from my bi-weekly paycheck. At the time, It was a fair amount and I was able to provide for myself (doing pretty good for a HS dropout working at a auto detailer's salary). Over the years, I got married, bought a house and own a car & a truck. Fast forward eight years to Dec. of 2007, I was then hit with a modification order which more than doubled the amount I was currently paying. I was struggling but getting by before the modification but afterwards, It's been a downward spiral that sent me reeling into impossible to pay debt.
Starting around 2008, The automotive industry started really feeling the crunch and effects of the economy just like everyone else as I watched dedicated, loyal co-workers either get forced into pay cuts, lay offs or terminations. I started using the credit cards I had obtained to pay small bills like cell phones and such but after they became maxed out, I was left with the huge burden of trying to survive the storm.
I never asked for a motion to lower the support as I felt my kids would suffer for a debt that I foolishly created for myself. I also let my ex claim both children on her income tax as she makes considerably less than I do. I felt that this is what a good father/man should do IF he has the best interest of his kids at heart...Regardless of how unreasonable their mother is.
I have since had to endure the inevitable...work hours cut and then months later a pay cut. Both my vehicles need repairs that I now can't afford, Interest on my arrears, credit card payments and a personal loan are building up as I try to stay afloat without filing bankruptcy (which I am currently facing) with a wife and a recently refinanced mortgage. My youngest child turned 18 on Dec. of 2011 but the show goes on to get the arrears down. Bad thing is I saw it all coming when this economy took the turn in the early 2000's so I was prepared with expense/credit reports & pay stubs on the day when I went in for the modification. When I presented my details to the child support attorney and explained to her that I wasn't disputing the fact that the order should be modified but rather the AMOUNT was too high for me to remain in a comfort zone, She replied that the economy is hitting us all and that the amount I averaged each paycheck was fair (which it probably was) but it was only two months after the modification was in place when my boss called me into his office to inform me that my hrs/pay would have to be cut.
My point in all this rambling you ask? I feel it is very disheartening to know that the system gives less than a damn about a father that truly tries to take care of his responsibilities. I've been a loyal employee and have worked for this company for the last 13 years and have made decent money a lot of those years for someone in my line of work. To see it all washed away due to unfair guidelines & proposals put in place by the powers that be, It's no wonder that some fathers are seen up on a water tower with a M-16 screaming "kill em' all" or blowing their own damn brains out, hanging themselves, going crazy, killing the ex etc. I ain't giving up though....I love life too much, But for the fathers (and mothers) that are going through similar situations, Please take care of your business and KEEP YOUR KIDS BEST INTERESTS FIRST because in the end, They didn't ask to come here.
File for bankruptcy, the sooner the better. You staving it off is only worsening your situation. Look it's what the system is designed to do. It's designed to ruin your life. So, maybe if enough NCP men go broke and file bankruptcy, the govt will see that their child support laws are ruining our economy! Here's how I've come to view it...the custodial parent doesn't care if you can pay your bills, the govt doesn't care if you can pay your bills, why on earth should you care? Just pay for your basics, housing, water, food, etc... as an NCP you really can't afford anymore than that. Get rid of car payments too!!! Buy USED! Ya can't beat the system, join it...Be like her!!! Hide income, apply for govt aid, if you have nothing, she has nothing to take from you!
They don't care about your comfort zone! In fact, they dont even care if your child is going without while he's with you!!! All they care about is the money going through the system, and the more they collect the better the federal returns are! Also, It's not about the kids, it's about ensuring that women remain heads of households, and are primarily raising our kids, because women are inherently liberal, and they'll raise our children the same way (the further out of your kids lives you are,...the better) and thus the closer we get to communism (which child support is eerily similar to)
Ok, first of all I am appalled at the grammar, spelling and lack of ability to write. If it is any indication of your intelligence, it's no wonder your spouse left you, or you cannot maintain a job to support your child in your own.
To dead beat parents, where there is a will there is a way. You can get a job and support your children even if it means taking sub-par jobs. For many, I think the excuse of " I lost my job" is another excuse to not pay you support order. I agree with the person above, the court system does NOT put you in jail if you cannot make a couple of months of payments. The payee, must be behind in their payments to begin with in order to face jail time.
In summary, if you fought to keep custody of your children, you should be able to support them, not rely on the person you decided to kick out of your life. If the person left you with kids, they were not reliable enough to stick it out, what makes you think they are reliable enough to keep up on child support. EVERYONE, should grow up, and focus on the CHILDREN.
I watched my dad give everything he had to my mom, personal labor, money to get her car fixed, pay her water bill, he gave her a tone of money, but he made a serious mistake by giving the money directly to her instead of to the government for child support, long story short I figured out by the time I was 13 is that the lady is crocked in the head never saw me as her kid and saw me as $ sighns, I am now 18, and my mom has a 4000 sq foot house a cabin in big bear, a new car and boyfriend. My dad got custody of me when I was 16 because I told the courts I could not live with this psycho mom, she is eriously crazy, me and my dad live in this little house struggling to get current on our bills, and this bitc* has the decentcy to convince he distict attourney that my dad is a bad man and gives her nothing, so he has to pay 3500 every month in back child support because he owes a total of 60,000, and at the time I wasliving with her sh was pulling in 8000 a month an still wanted more more more, and now I have to watch my dieing dad struggle to stay alive and pay this lady everything hehas while leaving us with 300 a month on grocerys, its such bs how the gov works, I see how some parents are bad parents by nigleticing there childs by kicking them out of therelife and not paying, but my dad tried to give and did give me and my mom the world, and the sadthing is my mom won after all these years I se a witch getting wha she wants while we lose everything, I have seen her lie to the police when I was younger saying my dad abused me and her, I wouldn't see him for months because of jail time, I never had a chance to be a kid because she kept me locked in my room my whole child hood and I could only go outside of my roomis if I cleaned, its really sick, there is no justice in this system none, I have watched my mom abuse it for years. I could go on and on about how bad my mom is what she has done to me what my dad has done for me and her, but I am late for work, maybe some other time if anyone really cares.
i am a mother of two children from a previous marriage. I have never collected welfare and my exhusband is over $19,000 behind. He plays the system and won't pay until we go to court and threat him, so he then pays for a few months till the court stops looking stops again. The same with contact with his children. He has went 2 years without even a phone call only to pop up demanding his rights, then to disappear for another 8 months. That is a deadbeat father. It is very unlikely that a father or mother that pays regular and on time would be thrown in jail right away for loosing their job unless they were not making ANY payments for a period of time. There are good fathers and good mothers, but there are also bad fathers and bad mothers. When we run short on money for the month I change the budget so that we have what we need, well unemployed or not the father can do the same thing to make sure their child's needs are met. and on the last note if a broke father can come up with $5300 to get out of jail in 2 days why could he not make his payments on time again???
He can't come up with it!!! His extended family does! Ever heard the phrase "she who has the money has the power" knowing what I know, it's a wonder fathers everywhere aren't vanishing!!! Women everywhere are turning fatherhood into a punishment!!! You take every joyous aspect of parenting OUT of life for him then wonder why he doesn't want to be a father! Here's an idea... stop ABANDONING YOUR MEN!!!!
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