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Getting around in Chongqing
CHINESE ETIQUETTE FOR DUMMIES II
It's always embarrassing for Chinese translator (me!) to explain Chinese-style hospitality to foreign colleagues.
Let me start with a story about my former bosses at German TV Beijing Bureau. Like last time's etiquette lesson, it has to do with food and "face," as in face saving.
This time, it happened during a road trip with former German TV boss, several Chinese colleagues and Chinese government media handlers. During a road trip, the German Boss suddenly took out an apple and started to eat. He didn't offer it to anybody, which was really embarrassing. (Sometimes even if you do offer, nobody would take your only apple, but it's polite to show you care about others.) In order to show the German Bureau Chief what is REAL hospitality, later the government media handler took out sweets and offered to everybody except the German... to show The Rich Foreigner is a Miser; See Even the Poor Chinese Knows How to Share.
Something similar also happened during the Marketplace scouting trip. We drove along the Yangtze River to talk to poor farmers dislocated by the Three Gorges Dam. The drive on the bumpy dirt mountain road was quite long and tiring. Crew members got thristy, and stopped at a small shop. Foreigners took off and just bought soft drink and fruits for themselves! Our local Chinese activist guides were shocked to see these foreigners simply ate fruit and drank in front of them without offering to share! Of course they would not say anything, but they were very upset. They poured out all their complaint to the Chinese interpreter (me.) How come these Americans are so selfish? Firstly they did not want to pay the cheap lunch (see last time's story!), and now they just buy drink and fruits for themselves and leave the Chinese guide standing there thirsty and angry.
In China, during a road trip, the host should provide water and snacks. Or at least share what they have.
Do you want lesson three? Tell me if you do, and I will find something more to SHARE with you.
Xiao Yu, Beijing Bureau Assistant
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There are a few etiquitte things in China that hit hard:
1) Chinese always ask me my salary. I do not know what to say. "1,000 times higher than yours" seems rude, but probably true.
2) I have 4 kids(and speak Chinese) so people always ask "how many kids are Americans allowed to have?" What can I say? I want to say, "In the whole world, only your evil government restricts births this way" But that seems a bit rude.
3) EVERYBODY should know about the "nervous laugh." On 9-12 I talked to Chinese about 9-11 events, and many started giggling. How terrible! But I found out this is just their reaction for emotional overload, not that they were laughing at 3000 dead people or supporting terrorists.
Having compassion and concern for the well-being of others, especially those whom you employ or who have less than you, is not the unique provenance of any specific culture. Lack of it likewise is not a failure of a specific group.
I would think that the appropriate response was to have included the American in the offering of candy. Othewise, two insensitivities have been enacted. The situation got worse, not better.
Human decency issues aside, filial piety and oter formalities impacting human relationships relationships that have existed in Asia for centuries -- such as through the impact of Confucianism. There is no unique code in the USA.
In Japan, for example, the recent Yomiuri Shinbun (newspaper) just ran an article noting that more corporations are installing formal chashitsu (tea ceremony rooms) in their offices and offering (perhaps mandating) employees to learn the formalities of this strictly codified system of behavior.
While there are indeed patriarchial issues for us to deal with in the USA, "revolutionary" reaction to old rules has been de regur here since the country's founding in 1776 and prior.Labor unions began because things got way out of hand.
Further, because of our cultural diversity, people or groups may appropriate and even amend customs from other cultures.
Thanks for the blog.
Yes, I'd like lesson three. But in truth, it is poor manners in American culture, too, to eat in front of others without sharing. At least it is where I come from. It irks me to see colleagues pull out snacks during meetings and rudely munch away. So please, SHARE away. We all can use a refresher!
IF ONLY WE COULD SEE OUR SELF THROUGH THE EYES OF THOSE AROUND US, WE WOULD GAIN SUCH WISDOM AND EVEN OPPROTUNITY TO CHANGE. ALAS WE DO NOT AND ARE THE POORER FOR IT. PLS CONTINUE " THE LESSONS " NOTE THAT THE LESSONS IN THE LESSONS ARE AS WELL APPLIED ANYWHERE ON EARTH WE FIND OURSELVES BEING " SELFISHLY SELF CENTERED"
+DWS
People in different place have different cultures.
I am a Chinese working is US. I know some of the differece. For example, Americans tend to protect their privacies. But Chinese like to know everything about others if he cares about you. Chinese can ask your age, your salary, your marriage. Chinese tend to speak loudly to show that we don't like to hide anything from you. Americans are more straightforward when they speak "No'. Chinese "No" sometime is real "No" and sometimes is confusing if the people don't understand Chinese culture. But In China, Chinese tend to care more about the people around who you know.
It is good to see this blog
I went to China for my brother's wedding banquet last November. I actually had opposite problems with Chinese etiquette -- people refusing to accept things that I offered. Even though I was born and raised in China, I had forgotten a very important Chinese etiquette -- "ke qi". The best translation I can think of is courteousness. Xiao Yu, correct me if I'm wrong. It is not good manner to accept someone's offering right way. Some people I met were really "ke qi", so they only accepted what I offered on second or third attempt. Some were super "ke qi", and I had to be almost forceful in making the offering before they would accept it. If you think offering someone something is hard, wait until someone offers you something back. Xiao Yu, maybe this could be your next topic -- how and when to accept someone's offering.
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