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Why can't I get health insurance?!

Nice Kitchen

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TEXT OF SKIT

Kai Ryssdal:We mentioned high risk insurance pools a little while ago. Basically, people who'd been denied health insurance because of preexisting conditions will now have a chance to get it. That out to mean fewer calls like these, from the comedy sketch group "Nice Kitchen" at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater.


Carol: Hi, Mr. Johnson. This is Carol, how may I assist your call?

Mr. Johnson: Hi, I wanted to ask why my application was denied for heath insurance?

Carol: Well sir, people with preexisting conditions, unfortunately, have a harder time acquiring health care.

Mr. Johnson: Um, what preexisting condition?

Carol: I'm sorry sir, but obesity is a preexisting condition. People with obesity have a much higher rate of heart failure and diabetes.

Mr. Johnson: That's ridiculous! I'm five pounds overweight!

Carol: I'm sorry sir, can I put you on hold for a second? Hi, this is Carol, how may I assist your call?

Mr. Andrews: I was just wondering why my health care premium is so insanely high?

Carol: OK, let me see your file here... Well Mr. Andrews, you have hay fever, and unfortunately, we charge higher premiums to people with preexisting conditions.

Mr. Andrews: What? Allergies are a preexisting condition?

Carol: Well, people with hay fever are susceptible to many respiratory diseases.

Mr. Andrews: This is crazy! I would like to talk to your manager!

Carol: Yes sir, I'll transfer you immediately. Hold please. Hi, this is Carol. How may I assist you today?

Caller 3: Hi, um, I was denied my health care coverage. It says for a preexisting condition?

Carol: Yes ma'am, you were.

Caller 3: I don't understand. I am in perfect health and no diseases run in my family. In fact, I was a professional athlete in my early 20s, and I have never smoked or had a drink in my entire life.

Carol: Yes ma'am, but you live in North Carolina. And you're a woman.

Caller 3: So?

Carol: Current statistics show that females are more likely to be victims of domestic violence, and in North Carolina, domestic violence, unfortunately, is considered a preexisting condition.

Caller 3: I'm not even in a relationship! Are you serious?

Carol: Yes ma'am. Oh, can you hold for a minute? Hi, this is Carol. How may I assist your call?

Vampire: Hi, I am a vampire. I am immortal. This means I cannot die. I just want to purchase cheaper blood so I don't go hungry and kill other people, making more vampires. Can I please get health insurance?

Carol: Well, let me see here... Vampires. V-A-M-P... Hrmm... Let me see. Oh! Well, lucky for you, being dead is not a preexisting health condition. Hurray! We'll be mailing you an application in five to seven business days.

Vampire: I want to suck your blood.

Carol: That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all day.

Ryssdal: "Nice Kitchen" is Anne Gregory, Ann Maddox, Brian Moran, Joe Saunders and Mike Truesdale. Read or listen to another skit from the Upright Citizens Brigade.

Vicki B's picture
Vicki B - Jul 9, 2010

Good thing I didn't pay for this content. I waited and waited and waited for *something* to tickle my funnybone. I would have asked for a refund.

C G's picture
C G - Jul 2, 2010

"The free market and the profit motive have no place in funding health care for Americans, just as they do not in any other developed economy in the world." Actually, the market is so heavily regulated it is hardly "free"... But that quibble aside, the Dutch system was recently voted the best in the world and it operates as a partnership between government and private insurers. The Swiss do too.

David Rigby's picture
David Rigby - Jul 2, 2010

"The free market and the profit motive have no place in funding health care for Americans..."
While Richard Johnston may *wish* this were so, he is incorrect. The truth is that the profit motive is a prime reason why we have so much innovation and improvement in our health care. Egalitarian *delivery* of that care is what needs improvement, not the elimination of the profit motive.

luis justin's picture
luis justin - Jul 2, 2010

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Richard Johnston's picture
Richard Johnston - Jul 1, 2010

"Insurance" is a misnomer, as is effectively highlighted here. In the context of private health insurance it is simply a risk-avoidance mechanism. The free market and the profit motive have no place in funding health care for Americans, just as they do not in any other developed economy in the world.