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For financial ruin, try Banking CEO

The CEO is ready for business

TEXT OF STORY

Scott Jagow: The proposed bailout plan does impose restrictions on executive compensation. But considering the number of banks that have gone under or are in trouble, you have to wonder what bank CEOs have done at all to earn any money. The Marketplace Players have one way to look at it.


Announcer:: Got a venerable financial institution? Need it destroyed? Then you need Banking CEO! Banking CEO comes with everything you need to bring even the most reputable firm to ruin.

Woman: Like hubris?

Announcer: Yes ma'am! He'll borrow as much as $30 for every $1 the business has on hand.

Woman: How about a total lack of fiscal transparency?

Announcer: You betcha. Even he won't fully understand what the company's invested in.

Woman: But does he have a chronic inability to manage financial risk?

Announcer: In spades. And the more you spend on Banking CEO, the more he can buy himself fabulous accessories. Like a giant political lobbying machine, and a yacht made of diamonds.

Woman: Diamonds!

Announcer: No, I made that up. But isn't it incredible that you believed me for even a second?

Woman: Sure is. What'll Banking CEO cost?

Announcer: Just a multimillion-dollar severance package once the firm is driven into the ground.

Woman: Count me in! How do I buy?

Announcer: Are you a taxpayer?

Woman: Sure am.

Announcer: Then you may already have!

About the author

Rico Gagliano is the host of Dinner Party Download.

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