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A richer life with no kids
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Adriene Hill: Now economics do seem to matter when it comes to having kids in a big way.The number of babies born in the U.S. has fallen since the 2008 financial crisis.
Commentator Joe McManus explains how going kid-free has made life richer.
Joe McManus: Having kids just never made sense to me. Think of the responsibility, the time required, the sheer expensive. Having kids would mean giving up the life I've known. I really like my life, so why would I trade it in?
My life hasn't been perfect. I did feel that ever present pang of emptiness, which is, I think the real reason most people would choose to have kids. It's just that I was drawn to fill that void with a mate. You know, a partner.
Sure, children are supposed to love you in spite of your flaws. And I know there are no guarantees in the dating scene or marriage. But children are not really partners. They're more like cherished subordinates.
When I met Lara 12 years ago, my search was over. If she'd wanted kids I might have agreed, just to keep her. But luckily for me, she's adamantly against it and so I get all her affection.
I'll be 50 in a couple of years, and so far, no regrets. We have family and friends all over the world and our lives are the richer for being able to travel whenever we want. Last year, Lara and I drove around the world on a whim. This year, it's summer in London, a Trans-Sahara expedition and an archaeological dig in southern Egypt -- just for fun. Ironically, we tend to spend most of our time visiting family and friends who have kids, and now, seldom get out.
It has always seemed to me that raising children is like having an extra full-time job; the reward for which is, a much delayed retirement. You may call me selfish for not having children, and in all truth, I couldn't disagree.
Adriene Hill: Joe McManus is a small business owner in Los Angeles.
I'm sorry but McManus' comments fall into the category of "look at all the cool stuff I can do or own because I didn't burden myself with kids."
If you don't want kids, don't have them.
But I'm more envious of people who have kids than your ability to drive around the world. The ability to see them grow and learn - the opportunity to interact with them as they discover butterflies or middle school envy - that's the kind of deep relationship which I find far more rewarding than dropping in on other people's lives.
And no, you don't know how they're going to turn out. But they're not machines you preprogram either and part of the fun of watching them even just as an aunt and a godmother is watching them go places you couldn't imagine.
But I'm all for people who don't want kids not to have kids. It's much better for the kids.
great article, Marketplace Money!
have two children, an arabian yearling and a 2 year old swiss mountain bitch. i am on top of the hill, age wise, and retired. had i had human child or children, there is no way i could have retired early. i travel when i want, for as long as i want, whenever i want. with greater financial and time freedom to give i help others
would disagree, Joe, that most people "decide" to have children to fill that pang of longing. i believe, or guess, that most people who reproduce do so mostly as an unintentional consequence of sex; that is, most human reproduction is a result of physical desire fulfilled. to create a human is a very powerful thing. is too bad that the vast majority of humans do not take it seriously
there are so many reasons not to reproduce: financial cost of rearing, establishing and maintaining a proper nuclear environment, the hours a day in time and emotional cost of upbringing for 18+ years, the legal responsibility, the cost to the environment particularly in an industrialized country, the risk that a child will be born with a genetic defect, the time and life otherwise to be given to a partner which now must be given to another, the effort it takes to improve society to make it a better place by obligation for one whom a parent imposed existence upon, etc
i would also disagree, Joe, that the selfishness is on your part not to reproduce. there is significant selfishness on the part of anyone who reproduces. despite the impossibility of consent and the fallacy in logic, it is nonetheless true that life, existence is foisted upon the next generation
Claiming that most reproduction is unintentional is, to be charitable, silly .And please, please three times please don't call your animals your children.As the late,great comic Greg Giraldo observed:" No guy has ever had a dog cause he was too drunk to pull out ".If you're ever in need of hospital level medical care,don't forget to thank your lucky stars that your care givers were born.Just be a stand up person and admit that you can't handle REAL parenthood.That's perfectly fine.
The only problem with that mentality is that one of the "partners" essentially becomes a kid. I say if your not going to have children, having a partner ultimately can have no real meaning. Go without either and your better off; I laugh when I see someone call a marriage without having children "real love." I then observe one of them living like a King or Queen only due to the other "partners" earnings. "Yeah, he's fat and stupid, but he makes good money."
Gosh, I must have forgotten to have kids... while investing lifelong in an amazing international career, engagement in the arts and culture, world travel, healthy adult relationships, mentoring youth, community service and civic responsibility, a wholesome healthy lifestyle, a beautiful home and gorgeous garden, stretching toward serenity and dodging stress. Sigh. Maybe "next time."
My wife and I have been married almost 30 years, no children, no regrets.
When I was a younger man, everyone said, "Without kids, who's going to take care of you when you get old?" HA.....................a lifetime of experience has taught me that no one, and I mean no one should ever count on their kids to help them out in their old age. The only person you can depend on is yourself and your loving partner......Knowing this brings a powerful perspective to one's life. Not an easy or comfortable perspective, just a realistic one.
Great article. I'm 49, married, and am very happy without children. Perhaps I'm imagining things, but I do seem to sense an interesting awkwardness when people find out I don't have children - "I'm sorry" is a common response that I find very amusing. I've never regretted my decision, but I do have immense respect for people that take on this responsibility. That said, I do think many people rush into parenthood without any clue what they're getting themselves into, both emotionally and financially. I especially feel for my friends who are wonderful people and great parents, who did everything right, but their kids still end up in legal trouble, rehab or worse. Raising kids can be the most rewarding part of your life or be the source of your greatest pain...
