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End-of-world sale! Time is running out!

A supernova

TEXT OF STORY

KAI RYSSDAL: It might have escaped your notice that we're just coming up on week six of the football season, and yet someone out there is already making Super Bowl plans. It's an advertiser, of course: Cars.com announced this week it'll launch its 2008 marketing campaign with two Super Bowl spots.

Meanwhile, Christmas ads have started cropping up, more than two months in advance. And presidential campaign ads... Well, we don't need to go there, right?

The Marketplace Players figure it's just a matter of time before some enterprising ad man takes the obvious next step:


ANNOUNCER: Only 1 trillion, 825 billion days 'til the sun explodes! So we at GlobeCo say: "Let's get shoppin'!"

It's science fact: the sun will eventually burn up its hydrogen and die, but not before swelling to many times its current size and engulfing our planet in flames. And GlobeCo's got everything you need now for this once-in-several-billion-lifetimes event! Like Hello Kitty sun visors for junior!

GIRL CHILD: I heart Kitty!

ANNOUNCER: Radiation-proof ultra-sunglasses for your teenage son! They're coated in polymer!

TEEN: No matter how hot it gets, I'll look cool.

ANNOUNCER: And a $10-million-dollar rocket ship so the whole family can escape to Mars. Buy now, before eons of inflation make that price tag explode -- just like the sun!

SOUND EFFECT: [Explosion]

MOM: But by the time the sun explodes, won't my family and I have passed away?

ANNOUNCER: That's true! So buy now! Because time is running out!

About the author

Rico Gagliano is the host of Dinner Party Download.

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