Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer speaks at a special media event to announce the next generation Windows Phone, Windows Phone 8, at the Bill Graham Auditorium in San Francisco on October 29, 2012. - 

Microsoft Corporation now hiring

Position: Chief executive officer

Job description:

Microsoft was founded in 1975 by Bill Gates and Paul Allen. Today we are the world’s largest multinational software company.

Our mission and values are to help people and businesses throughout the world realize their full potential. We are based in Redmond, Wash.

We are currently looking for a self-motivated, innovative leader who can help us expand our reach as a software maker and generate successful new product lines.

If hired, you will replace current CEO Steve Ballmer, who will retire within the next 12 months.

Job requirements:

  • Candidate must be able to focus on customer and employee satisfaction while simultaneously satisfying shareholder demands.
  • Must be able to make Microsoft likeable (see Google and Apple, e.g.).
  • Experience in product development a must.
  • Previous role in a leadership position at a Top 10 tech company preferable.
  • Baldness a plus (see Jeff Bezos and Steve Jobs, e.g.).
  • Extensive knowledge of mobile hardware and operating systems required.
  • Must have reliable transportation.

Follow David Weinberg at @@randomtape