Jeremy Hobson: OK, so you’ve heard a million bests and worsts for 2011 — some of them right here on Marketplace. But that’s not what we’re going to do now. Right now, we’re going to get a head start on the reflecting we’ll be doing in a year.
Here now is humorist Kristina Wong with a peak at what we’ll be talking about on Dec. 31, 2012.
Kristina Wong: In January, corporations unsuccessfully attempted to thwart the Occupy Wall Street protesters by inflating the price of oil, specifically, patchouli oil. In February, the diminishing ozone layer caused hell to freeze over. In June, the White House formed a Fiction Writing Club, formerly known as the super committee to attempt again to balance the national budget. Some of the lesser known features of their 340-page budget plan included a $15 line item to purchase the “Governing for Dummies” book. And Sudoku solutions on page 101.
In July, “The repo man from the East,” aka China, demanded America pay back our $1.16 trillion debt in full. This shakedown devastated all Americans, especially the poor, the 13 Americans that make up the middle class, even the 1 percent felt the pinch. And for the first time “the leprechaun at the end of the rainbow” made Forbes’ “World’s Richest People” list.
This year saw the election of a president. It’s above my pay scale to tell you the winner. But there was an unprecedented number of write-in votes for “Siri.” But not all Americans suffered in 2012’s dark, but anticipated downturn. Manufacturers of red ink turned a healthy profit. Americans with the foresight to sneak cross the border to work in Mexico thrived. And thanks to the exponential growth of the Occupy wall Street movement, the stock price of tents, sleeping bags and polar fleece shot up by 99 percent.
Listeners, if my 2012 predictions worry you… relax. My clairvoyance is as accurate as a fortune cookie. My advice? Say the words “in bed” at the end of each headline you read next year, it’ll make 2012 much more bearable.
Hobson: Kristina Wong is a writer and performer in Los Angeles. You can send us your thoughts or predictions — write to us.
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